The struggle isn’t real…

We’ve all heard it – “The struggle is real!” I call bullshit (for lack of a better term). We do it to ourselves. We put up with the stress and unhappiness. For what? Do we really believe that we will wake up one day and suddenly be in live with a job we have hated for years? Will our spouse suddenly want to be someone they haven’t been for the last several years? Will our bank accounts suddenly fill with money as we sit on our couch watching tv? NO! NO! NO! We know to be wealthy it takes getting off the couch. We know that our spouse will NOT wake up tomorrow wanting to be someone else. The job? Well, the likely hood of that changing, is NEVER! But we sit and wait thinking about how it could it be different or how what we have will magically become it. If perception is reality then why does the yearning for something other than what we have exist? We would rather try to perceive that our life is this dream we have always wanted and be disappointed that it is not, than to find the reality we seek. Maybe, it’s the separation of you from me, that makes it confusing. One day the job, the spouse, the money it all becomes possible when you perceive yourself having it. So the struggle is not real it’s continual false reality of habitual patterns. Peace, relaxation, love is REAL.

Soulmate, aka, Warrior

I had always imagined love to be some sort of fairy tale. Ya know, one of those best friend relationship kind of vibes? It was today, I found out the truth:

  1. Love will leave you naked- with that comes embarrassment, self-pity, & high expectations…
  2. Your scars are revealed and relived – Those deep dark pits of despair and loneliness… Prepare to reopen and explore.
  3. Fear will be in overdrive – It will feel like a shelter, a parent disappointed in you, but willing to hug you when tears begin to fall.

I had imagined no disagreements. Only waking up every morning to someone ready to explore their day just as I had planned. Love is more than companionship, it is commitment. I never wanted to commit, I only wanted to be a companion. However, I have found my Soul Mate, and I realize I do NOT want to be with someone like me, I want to be challenged, loved, pushed, & praised. I need adventure and growth. I deserve to be loved and valued. My gracious God, thank you for being stronger than I in times of weakness, you are my faith, you are my rock. And to you, my warrior, you are my home.

I love you,

Your completely crazy, hippie, fierce, lover.

-KBJ

One Day, Love… One Day

One day…

You will find someone who loves even the darkest parts of your soul.

You will receive what you give.

You will not be let down by broken promises.

You will know without a doubt that he loves your child(ren) as you do.

You will stop believing in what people say and only what they do.

You will feel stable and safe, with the ability to trust your partner.

One day, my love you will be loved in return. Don’t give up.

-KBJ

Fake Fairy Tales

Every little girl has her favorite Disney Princess; Her own imaginable love story. There’s an automatic expectation that girls should be rescued and protected by a knight in shining armor. Or that her love will be so great it will transform a beast into an honest man… Don’t get me wrong the whole’ “love story” thing is blissful, but it’s nothing like what Disney introduced. It may have not been realistic, but tall tales gave love hope.

And all lived happily ever after… We’ve all heard that a few times, it it’s not that simple. It requires work. A specific choice to put energy into something even when you don’t want to. It’s loving every inch of yourself, so that you can unconditionally love another. I am confident in the end that, Yes, you do end up, “happily ever after”, but I believe the magical story is in the journey of growing together.

True love will strip you naked of everything you thought you knew of it. You will feel like a vulnerable fool with no way of escaping a constant look in the mirror. Both of you forces to overcome fears and flaws, but in the arms of peace. Just as children are God’s way of loving us as we grow, true love is just as patient.

“Love is a journey without a map…” -unknown

Dear, Discernible Future

You came along and taught me that I am capable. I was too stubborn to put enough trust into something new. I should taken time to trust myself…You were familiar and you knew the worst parts of me. The understanding of human flaw we shared was undeniable. We needed each other and a swift kick in the ass. I knew when I met you that you would play a significant role in my life. I thought for many years you were my forever and always and I was right. I will forever be grateful for our time spent together and I will always remember what we discovered about life – Yin & Yang. We were perfectly paired enough to create change within. I was great at teaching someone how to love themselves and you knew how to love everyone but yourself. I was giving; you had nothing to give. I was never honest with myself; you were honest with yourself about what you wanted in life.

I stood in disbelief when you said it was me…

☯️

-KBJ

😁Stay trippy, hippies… ✌🏼

Un-Tuned —-*

“There are many occasions that our soul recognizes what it needs, but our heart & mind misinterpret.”

-KBJ

Dear, 2019 … Bring it on!

I could tell by the first few day of this year; I will be challenged. Thankfully, 2018 helped shape me into a warrior. I experienced things that I never imagined to be possible. I was enlightened by my own manifestations. Just as I was in the verge of surrender, I found myself. I am centered, strong, and ready to change my vibes.

2019 = 3 in numerology.

My Life Path number: 3

Buckle up, it’s about to be a wild ride!

-KBJ 😎💆🏻‍♀️☯️💫#️⃣🌎♾

I Don’t Blame, ya!

It may have taken me a nervous breakdown and an sobering amount of self-pity, but I figured it out without explanation. Instead of destroying it; you wanted to preserve the link. It was impossible for me to heed, coming from a series of conditional relationships. I’m not sure if it was the anxiety or pride that made it difficult to interpret the language you spoke, but it was in my grace that it was not ignored. Although, I think it would have been one of those too good to be true situations:  Neither of  us were comfortable with unconditional love. I knew how to give, but not receive and you… the opposite. We were counterparts, never noticing that together we we became whole; a metamorphic life lesson neither of us were yet deserving of. It was not in my journey of unity with the universe, but in my exploration of self  that I found conviction.

-KBJ

“(D)on’t (B)reak, (K)id”

To my sweet, rosy-cheeked, little mischief-maker,

I am writing this as your mother, although, you refer to me as Wonder Woman, I am human. It will be years before you read this and I may change it a million times, but there are a few things in this world I can protect you from. If I had it my way I would stand strong & tall, with a shield just like Wonder Woman and shield you from any hurt you may experience throughout life. However, if I did so, I would be robbing you of living. My job is not done until, I not only teach you to survive, but teach you to live.

My first piece of advice, I am sure you will have no problem understanding. I cannot protect you from emotions. However, I urge you in any negative moment, stand strong! Stay true to your values and morals, even when others can be excused for violating them. Although, I feel like there is never an,” excuse”, for someone violating your standards, wants, or needs; it happens. The only person that can choose who you become, is you. Don’t cave in and sacrifice yourself for another. You’re big loving heart is probably confused after you read that, but I can tell you from experience, if you give, overlook, make exceptions, and put someone’s needs before your own, it will not change anyone but yourself.  It is easy to lose yourself in helping others, but what you need to remember is someone who wants to be healed will ask for help.

Secondly, we don’t all think, talk, or receive things the same. We all come from different places, standards, cultures, and environments. You are the ONLY, you, there is out there. Your past, your mistakes, your present, and successes are what make you unique. There is not another human being walking around out there that had the same path you did. We are all flawed beings from the start, but don’t ever forget you have the power to be who or whatever you wish. Find yourself and stand firm, some will love you and some will not, but don’t ever expect something from someone. Expectations are what let us down. Hope with all your heart, but don’t ever expect someone to treat you as you treat them. You can hope those around you will change, but you cannot force it or do it for them. All you can do is lead by example and if stones are thrown your way, Don’t break, kid, not everyone is going to appreciate your journey. Change happens within, it is a very personal thing that occurs from the yearning of the soul. There will be times you are forced to choose yourself and it will feel terrible and wrong in many days, but it is up to you to remain complete because your cannot love anyone else until you love yourself.

We have one life to live and as we have always said:

“What’s in there, love?” (points to her son’s chest)

“My heart!”

“And what’s in your heart?”

“Love, mommy!”

“That’s right, and whats the only thing that can change the world?”

“LOVE!” 🙂

“Where does change start?”

“ME!”:)

Love yourself and others. Be thankful and kind, my little soldier. If you learn anything along journey learn to love and be loved.

-KBJ

The Euphoric Mishap

“It was a smile that hung cock eyed, just enough to melt the hearts of women. Con-artist were envious of it’s glow and  felt less of themselves in it’s presence. On rare occasions I would desire to be the recipient of it’s affection, convinced it was perpetual. At the culmination of it’s existence the smile was wiped away by eternal vanity. Today, it is merely that of a rancid smirk, deep-seated in evanescent velvet.”

-KBJ

Heaven

I imagine it to be an all over consciousness of unyielding love. Something that is comparable to lying in the clouds surrounded by ripples of comfort; drifting about in utter Peace. It is a jubilation that has no metric of time to prepare or reminisce. It is surely a place of belonging, security, certainty… complete acceptance and devotion.

– Looking Back –

“A part of you respected me, while the other questioned whether I love you. Trust in your heart for it will remain obliged”

-KBJ

Do you really know God?

“God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”

John 4:24 ESV

God is spirit, but who is spirit? Or what is spirit?

As defined by, Oxford Dictionary:

[ Spirit: Noun; the nonphysical part of a person that is the seat of emotions and          character; the soul.  Synonyms: Psyche, (Inner) self, Inner being, Mind, ego; “We seek a harmony between body and spirit”]

Thus making, [God] a state of mind, an inner being. Therefore, we are to devote within ourselves and reality.

God is unity of the mind and reality – consciousness. Oxford Dictionary supports this idea with defining consciousness as, “the fact of awareness by the mind of itself and the world”.

God is being aware. God is life, living, further more creation! The soul yearns to be loved and who embraced the energy leads to creation.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

Genesis 1:1 ESV

If you’re still following me, this scripture is quite simple to elaborate upon. Try reading the Bible replacing God, with Love, using it as a noun.

Love, created the heavens and the earth!

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:8 ESV

The, “word became flesh”, Jesus was living proof the truth was in perception.

[See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.]

1 John 3:1-24 ESV 

He was beyond those he influenced. Jesus shared the pathway to peace with those around him. Thus, enlightening the common people to a personal stairway to heaven. Whether we describe heaven as a dimension, a place in the clouds, or a state of being the end result is all the same. If one can master the art of self-love and find the place between soul and reality, you will reach the highest level of awareness, the supreme realm of peace, a heaven within. You’re reality will no longer effect you. If you are blind, you will now be able to see.

-KBJ

Take my Advice

“People are rarely who they claim to be; but perhaps it is who they wish to become?”-KBJ

Wandering Women

“If you make him your shelter; you will be left bare. Smile in the rediscovery for it will be your journey. ”

– KBJ

Authentically, Rule the Occassion.

Solitude waits patiently lurking between the conscious and subconscious. The unfamiliar territory is home to a duplicate of me. She is wild, fearless, and leads with her heart. We share the same mirror, but our reflections are differing. I can no longer ignore the roar and she is on the prowl. It is from her perspective that I will thrive.

-KBJ

#GoalDigger

Someone very dear to me once asked me, “Why don’t you invest in yourself?”. The question left me speechless for a moment. The silence was quickly covered by a million different excuses and reasons as to why I was to busy to do what I really enjoyed. That then led me to another question… What do I enjoy?

I had been told by several teachers and colleagues that I should invest in my writing skills. I always shrugged it off thinking, I hate to write! The truth was I was just not comfortable with who I was and I didn’t like to be restricted. . In other words, I needed wide open space to find myself.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage” – Lao Tzu

It is by love that I was shown how to love myself. As you cannot love another until you can love yourself. I started blogging on whim to try to reconnect with myself. I set small goals and I have met each of them. I found that my thoughts and feelings are shared by many. There have been several of you to offer advice or share your experience. I want to take the time to thank each and every one of you for being such an important piece in my spiritual growth.

It is with your support and interest in my blog that I have kept persevering. I can remember sitting alone in my kitchen with my laptop, unable to see through the despair of my life being in shambles. So, I wrote about it. Suddenly, my blog took off. I had more and more followers join. I broke previous records of the most likes. I finally had comments rolling in left and right. I reached many of my small goals and thanked everyone for their support. Never the less, what I should have said is thank you for being there, alone with me and my laptop. You helped me grow, or maybe stay sane, (ha, ha!) through the darkest of times. On the flip side, we have also laughed in the brightest moments. I hope that what I share can help at least one of your through your darkest time. I am here… you are here… we are here to love.

“The best way to find yourself is in the service of others.” – Mahamta Gandhi

Much love to you all! Stay trippy, hippies! xoxo

-KBJ

I Tame your Fire, as I am, the Fuel.

You grab a hold of all my static and place all my particles perfectly where they are preordained.

The way you budge piques my interest.

You stimulate me in way that evokes emotion. I am not biased.

Just when I feel myself begin to lose control, your touch grounds me.

As a fire burns bright of orange and red embers, I remain cautious as not to give in.

But you still find a way to make me melt.

The Commitment of Trust

You were comfort in a time of despair. So close to a new beginning you even tasted bittersweet. You filled my heart with surety and intent. I can’t say whether it is due to the preexisting damage or the way I perceive things, but In the absence of trust it was all gone. People do things that break our trust. Whether that’s lying or not following through. I am starting to believe it is not intentional, but for me, I consider others before myself; so I can’t quite accept my own theory. My word is golden and in the event something happens and I am unable to follow through I address it before it occurs. However, loosing my mother at a young age and having a father who never meant what he said left me not trusting the WORLD. Let alone another human being. I want to be different; so if I love someone I give them trust, but the second a situation arises that questions it, I feel completely disrespected. I’ve always viewed it as intentional. That someone thinks to themselves before breaking your trust and knowingly puts their commitment to you aside. As I get older and keep reliving the situation , I have come to realize I should be learning, not surrendering. It’s usually not of an intent to hurt another, but a cowardly move on one’s part to protect themselves. In knowing this I don’t feel as disrespected, so I am not longer angry by a lack of commitment for trust. I understand so thoroughly that it hurts. It’s simply a separation of people. Someone doing what they wanted to do. So if we find it offensive it is because we don’t agree. We are simply a different person with different needs. It is up to us to find at this very moment that trust is challenged whether it’s worth fighting for. I am hoping to rise above. In my recent run-in with trust I handle it different than I have in the past. I addressed it head on, I let it hurt, and a made a decision of whether it was worth it.

Dear Karma,

I broke the cycle. I found a different perception of trust and handled it before it became destructive. Can I be set free from this cycle? May you bless me with what I deserve. If I am not yet done learning, please take it easy on me. My heart is fragile these days.

Sincerely,

A woman just trying to figure it all out.

Love me one day, just don’t make it today…

As a present day drifter:  I am somewhat shattered and have taped myself back together by  risky decisions and  aspirations. The trickery of habitual roads has led me astray. My self discovery expedition has become pandemonium. My soul is full and drifting about in the energy of others, as a ship wreck full of diamonds, would slowly scatter about with every crash of ocean’s waves.

-KBJ

The Courtesy of Chaos

It is true that we live in the same situations until rise above them? It’s an internal hell of insanity. The soul yearns to be loved to a degree the fondness is manifested out feeble intentions. It’s something that happens at full tilt. It’s joyous and overly appropriate. A fondness developed by emotion without definition caresses our heartache and fear. It is something so needed that we question it, but take it to our hearts, as if it completes our being. Just as it is accepted, villainous energy tightly grips the humble future of it all….

Lemonade Love

I spent all this time thinking I knew how to love. I wasn’t loving; I was learning. The truest of loves comes and reveals to you all the challenges you’ve ever had with anyone else in the past. But this time it will be value and held in high regard. Something that is unspeakable, and only felt. It tingles and tosses you about a bit. The soul becomes bare and wild. Our needs shift from within to an outwardly craze of well-being for the mind, body, and soul of another. It’s fierce and reassuring, but leaves you trembling at the idea of permanent absence. You must water it to make it grow, don’t let the fear of the future affect today.

-Momma Lost her Mask-

She tip toed to the bathroom to quietly, shut the door in hopes of the toddler not being disturbed; just long enough to ball her eyes out over the loss the family they had come to know.

She had convinced herself she was a failure. She looped the same thoughts again and again in her head to find where she had went wrong. If she could just figure out the issue it could be resolved. Gazing in the mirror, she felt her chest grow tight at the thought of how to explain to her 3 year old boy that his sisters and the man he learned to look up to wouldn’t be home again.

Bang! Bang!

Just as she wipes the tears from her cheeks, a tired, whiny toddler came crashing through the door; distraught that Mommy had snuck away.

“Wonder Woman! What’s wrong?”, he said with a tone that could melt any heart with an instant!

It was that moment she was reminded she is human. Grief, sadness, and pain was something she would have to master to confidently teach him to live fully. She grabbed both of his chubby, fingered, little hands and said,” Changes can be tough, huh, little man?”

“Yeah, momma. They stink! “

“Just remember, baby, roll with the changes because the tougher they get the closer you are to the happiness you deserve.” She said holding her tears with a lump in her throat.

“Momma, even Wonder Woman needs Batman!”, the three year old said with such an innocence sincerity.

It was from that moment on that they realized they had everything they needed to make it through life. Love is kind and knows no boundaries. The love shared between a parent and child is unconditional.

Bearable, Transformation

Spring: a time for renewal. A chance to turn over a new leaf. This freedom is invigorating with a perverted insistence on some sort growth. The expansion alone rips my walls down one by one. It is not in the death of the things I am letting go of that makes life raw,but the rather the creation of who I would like to become. The old is replaced with a vibrant opportunity for the future. It is of sheer terror that I admit my fear of change. I can’t tell if my brokenness draws you in or I gravitate toward you. It’s a matter of blurred boundaries, but your aura is enticing. I too, shall bloom.

Mr. Unannounced

Well, hello, Mr. Unexpected… Who are you and who sent you to open this door that I have yet to acknowledge? It is the unforeseen circumstances that our energy has danced in unison. The perfect brokenness inside of one another fitting together like puzzles pieces. It is the nervous feeling within that suggests we may cause more destruction than either of us deserve. Maybe if we just stand right here for a while it could be different. There is no need for the practice of love, for now. Your thoughtfulness is sticky and my freedom is determined. You should get to know the side of me that rebels before you go all in.

And I Thought it was me, saving you…

All this time I thought it was me; saving you. Although, I can’t quite figure out the place I am in now, I know there’s something to come of this. It feels like a wildfire ready to burn bright. There’s just not too many ashes for it to ignite. I never realizes how safe you made feel. I was so secure with life before. Now, or feels as if it’s moving steadily around me as I am trying to figure where to stand so that it does my head ahold of me. There is such betrayal in expectations. We are better served in adapting to love instead of expecting it. It’s about what we give, not what we receive. Passion leads us to a routine that feels appropriate and we begin living it. – Without any intention of keeping it. If only I had known the future I was able to see with you. I knew it every time it spoke to me. I would have told you sooner if I had believed you weren’t experiencing the same thing. At this point, I don’t whether to run to or from it. So, don’t leave the decision to me. My choices are irrelevant to the future that’s seeking me.

This is why, writer’s & musicians can’t be together…

“They both want to change the world. One with more force than the other…”

-KBJ

I was Raised by a Sociopath.

I say this uncomfortably while clamoring in the realization of events that just took place. My life is changing dramatically. Numerology has kept me aware and gave me something exciting to concentrate on. It’s a little slice of fun, as is astrology, and I truly enjoy the energy of these spiritualities. However, it’s new. A 180 degrees from the quite depressing life I was living before my family suddenly ripped to shreds; I assumed it was only appropriate to see a therapist. Ya know, to just make sure I’m still in here somewhere. The outcome was more than I had expected…

Disclaimer: I have never, EVER, met this woman before today. She was an older woman with gray, short hair, wearing men’s Dockers with a pair of glasses that reeked of,”I have a PHD”. I second guessed myself at giving her a hand shake. Why? I tend to freeze up in nervous situations. I sat down and made myself comfortable. She told me her name, I shared mine.

“Are you a gypsy?”, she asked.

“What?!?!”, I blurted out.

She immediately began to explain herself. She thought I looked like a gypsy. When I told her I had Portuguese Heritage she began to tell me the history of how the Portuguese migrated and she just knew that my Father’s Paternal Mother was a gypsy. Mind you, this is my first Therapist appt. I was blown away! I had a Medical professional sitting in front of me confirming my intuition.

I briefly answered her “textbook”, questions as she would type on the computer. I’m not sure if she was analyzing or captivated by me. I explained my relationship with my father and the failure of the family I so recently came home too. She asked me if I had watched any part of the Casey Anthony trail. All I could think to myself was that poor child. My eyes filled with tears in her explanation of what kind of woman she was and how she had no remorse.

As a tear rolled down my cheek, she asked,”Do you know what a Sociopath is?”

I immediately said,”I picture something from CSI or Murder she Wrote!” I am squirming inside wanting her to hurry to explain what she is getting at. All I could think is I’m a Sociopath. Sweet, Jesus, help me. In the two seconds it took me to convince myself I was a Sociopath, my anxiety was interrupted by the sound of her voice.

“Your Father… Your EX… Your child’s Father… They all have something in common… You were raised by a Sociopath. Now, you date them. I believe you are determined to rid the world of them”, she said with such a caring voice.

It was as if she knew how fragile I felt when I heard it. She asked me why I chose to make an appointment with her.

” I want to break cycle of unhealthy relationships that I keep I living each day”, I replied so confidently.

“We will!”, she replied eagerly.

She recommended two books: The Glass Castle and The Sociopath Next Door.

You’re not Welcome Here, Anymore…

I would find relief untangled from you. This is my day! I no longer want to know how you feel. Can I have what you stole, back? Life has conveniently dropped all your tools in my lap. Unwillingly, I am supplied with the chords of success in your dream. I want so badly to master your art. I conquer the part of you that won’t let me be. It will only be defeat in it’s vindictive form if I show you happiness first. I long to be my own master without you inside to talk me out of it. The more I loved myself, the quicker you ran to the door. I thought you took me with you when you went, but instead you forgot somethings. It’s only appropriate that you clean up the mess you left for I have an journey that awaits me.

A Love Story

She patiently slipped away to herself. The silence of the early morning brought such tranquility. As the oldies played in the background…She was making a decision between the rest of her life or their life. Headstrong on the thought that you had to be selfish to be happy. She grew bitter. As days past the only idea of this, “WE” was in the way of things. However, she yearned and desired to follow her hopes and dreams. After all she had this way of bringing that out in others. It was her Mother that it came from. She has this polar opposite side. She could be so grounded! Except there was a side of her that learned to be bullet proof from the hurt. She was easy to fall is love with.

He rushed through the house searching for the essentials: phone, pants, wallet, keys. “Let’s go he says with a grin. It was the kind heavenly sent from angels, but cursed with hopelessness. It was never much for him to quit in the middle of success and leap in a whirlwind of unfamiliar territory. When it came to what he wanted, he was direct and relentless. At times he wanted her and other’s it was himself.

They shifted between paired excellence and one another’s bad habits. It was the epitome of the flipside.

Dear, Beautiful Woman…

When the hurt never ceases,

Do not live in shame.

You are HIS masterpiece,

So rejoice in loves’ flame.

If you get the feeling of guilt,

Do not follow the Trail of Tears.

Pain can be comfortably rebuilt,

Instant aid only enables our fears.

Let your soul be the gladiator!

The internal battle you will win.

Let Karma be the mediator,

You just heal & mend.

KBJ

A Special Thank You!

Each and everyone of you took time out of your day to read my thoughts and for that I am truly grateful! You’re comments and support has been encouraging. They would be but simple words without you all to read them.

“Words are a lens to focus one’s mind”

-Ayn Rand

Deep Horizons

If we lost it all tomorrow,

Would you share in the sorrow?

If a helping hand became needy,

Would you give to it freely?

If it stopped serving it’s purpose,

Would you find it worthless?

If it became routine ,

Would you know the unseen?

If it stressed you out,

Would you start to doubt?

If your thoughts grew regretful

Would intentions become forgetful?

Will you love the same,

If it did not change?

Will you tell the fortune,

If all you could speak is distortion?

Will it be of permanence,

Or is longevity purposeless?

-The Time is…NOW-

Society’s demands mask the true meaning of life. Is it the successful or the homeless that have the right idea? Spirituality is at it’s highest peak in countries that live from the land. How can generations beyond us see this? If we and our children are living in an electronic world, how will we instill the survival needed when our technological world fails?

Marketing, media, as well as, education are all geared toward the technological expectations of society created by man. The same expectations and demands that destroy the very means of survival we were provided with. There are but few, cultures that embrace the love of Earth itself. Who are we to decide the American Dream of success if more important than existence. Essentially, that is what we are doing. There are times in China when people cannot leave their homes because there is so much pollution in the air. The same air that our trees and children breath. Our selfish desires are met daily while corrupting the future of those that will own the world next.

The ominous aspect is that we don’t realize this. We have been born into a world that success is marked by monetary value. However, being unsuccessful is also rewarded. There is no need for hard work for some or there is lack of time for love for others. What happened to the barter system? The idea of a man trading corn for carrots is long gone. In today’s society we have Garage Sale and sell items on apps for little to nothing, so we don’t feel as if we lost out. Greed and over indulgence are supreme. How can this change when the majority of the masses will never know the concept of honest, hard work and loving one another?

It’s time for us to broaden our horizons. Travel, get the hell out of dodge and do it fast! Of course, survival for must of requires making money, so my advice would be to find an employer that allows you to travel and explore the cultures beyond America. Our way of life blinds us to the beauty of many nations. Share your experience with those around you. Grab the hands of your little one’s and explore the nature, farms, and art. Lead by example: Do it yourself, don’t buy it. Make dinner from scratch. Plant a garden. Make your own soaps. Give gifts from the heart by creating them yourselves.  But most of all, make you are kind, loving, and value the earth. We were given all that we need millions of years ago, take care of it and help it flourish, so that we may for us and our children.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

– Mahatma Gandhi

Emerald Buddha

The wavy, brown-eyed little girl knew at the age of two that Mommy was not coming back. Tears rolled down her face, as she looked out of the window at the fire fighters lined up next to one another; using all their might to push the crumpled car over. Every Security vanished as I peered at my father kneeling on the ground hopeless and scared. The sound of glass scraping against the metal surface is still just as gut-wrenching as it was that day. She lay there so peacefully, but in that moment, I grew numb. All that I had learned enjoyed, and desired to be was gone, and so was my Mother, Joy.

I hated when someone said, “Aww, you poor thing. Remember, she is up there looking down you, smiling, so proud of the beautiful, person you have are. Good Lord, help me find it to force a smile and say, “it does not bother me”. Who were they to assume where she was or how she felt? You do not know her or me, but thank you, I would ramble to myself. In times of sorrow, I bathed in the self-pity, cried out to God to show me a sign she was here with me. So, as every ballsy, teen decides to do, I made it meaningful. This empty, black void was filled with a tattoo of the Celtic Trinity knot above my Mother’s name below, Joy Elaine, written in my grandmother’s handwriting. After all, we were all three connected, right? I still yearned to close my eyes and see her there, hear her talk, or any a mental memory of her existence.

The symbolism of the trinity is necessary in the journey it took to find my Mother. To some it represents the bond between grandmother, mother, and child; others believe it represents God, son, and Holy Spirit. When you see a cross, what is the first idea that comes to mind?, Jesus, or maybe crucifixion? The cross represents the idea that God’s son died for our sins. Jesus, a normal man, walked earth sharing the Holy Spirit. God created humanity with the Holy Spirit within. Society has corrupted this spirit with its methods of survival in Western society. It is dormant inside many of us, but when awoken has the power of change is possible. I have found God in Astrology Buddhism, Christianity, Numerology, and Mythology. A controversial statement to some, but I found God in all studied religion because the Holy Spirit is within. A divine connection supports the purpose for humankind.

The 12-hour workdays, coupled with raising a two-year old, created stress I could not manage; I turned to meditation. The rhythmic breathing cleared my conscious of stress. Presented with a chance to travel through a dimensional universe, I was welcomed by a 12 dimensional-four pointed, star. I was safe and secure in my sub-conscious as an image of green crystal-like pebble was presented. The image imprinted a strong feeling of importance, a completion I could not recognize. Bam! Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, and more pitter-patter everyone was home and silence was gone. Days were spent obsessing over what this object represented. Stress had won, I found myself in tears, calling my boss to take a two-day hiatus to clear my mind. After endless searching for rocks, crystals, and gems, I still had not confirmed what this image was. In a moment of hopelessness, I almost threw my spiritual journey away and everyone else with it.

My boyfriend and I stumbled upon having a rare, divine connection through astrology. Google results of any spirituality confirmed the ideal. Daily interactions with others, objects, and raw nature confirmed our purpose. However, the stress of my career would bring me back to a clouded view of what my inner purpose was. A moment of disarray, longed for more confirmation of my spiritual purpose. My boyfriend was essentially addicted to googling and knowledge about spirituality. He shared with me specific dates that this so-called spiritual inter-connection occurred. The family vacation, pictures taken Oct.10, 2016 – exactly one day before my birthday, it was perfectly, depicted in past pictures of a street sign, reading Follow Your Dreams. Rd. Coincidences of emerald appeared like fleas on a dog. Emerald is Mother’s birthstone. This moment was comparable to the unity that takes place when connecting the final and 3rd line of a triangle. I was complete and it felt Holy!

I could bore you with the symbolism of an Emerald, to confirm my awakening, but it is something you must experience. Only you can awaken your soul and heal the damages of society. Peace is the greatest gift of God. It is an apparition seen through meditation, it is the nourishment of natural food to the human body, and it the comfort felt from the touch of a soulmate’s hand. You MUST learn to love yourself. Everyone on Earth has the ability to find inner peace. Let the Supreme Being reign, in our negatively, tainted society so that we can create a little slice of heaven. Open your, “eye”; you will see the word really is inside flesh, longing to awake. Reality is premeditated by society, but your soul is Supreme. WAKE UP!

Photo credit:

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/v0uc545BpOgC7zrT3QE7f-AcV-ZzzW2DrB5J0MSj-5G7ZORPb9098bpg96sXNp21x60uag=s129