Love me one day, just don’t make it today…

As a present day drifter:  I am somewhat shattered and have taped myself back together by  risky decisions and  aspirations. The trickery of habitual roads has led me astray. My self discovery expedition has become pandemonium. My soul is full and drifting about in the energy of others, as a ship wreck full of diamonds, would slowly scatter about with every crash of ocean’s waves.

-KBJ

The Courtesy of Chaos

It is true that we live in the same situations until rise above them? It’s an internal hell of insanity. The soul yearns to be loved to a degree the fondness is manifested out feeble intentions. It’s something that happens at full tilt. It’s joyous and overly appropriate. A fondness developed by emotion without definition caresses our heartache and fear. It is something so needed that we question it, but take it to our hearts, as if it completes our being. Just as it is accepted, villainous energy tightly grips the humble future of it all….

-Momma Lost her Mask-

She tip toed to the bathroom to quietly, shut the door in hopes of the toddler not being disturbed; just long enough to ball her eyes out over the loss the family they had come to know.

She had convinced herself she was a failure. She looped the same thoughts again and again in her head to find where she had went wrong. If she could just figure out the issue it could be resolved. Gazing in the mirror, she felt her chest grow tight at the thought of how to explain to her 3 year old boy that his sisters and the man he learned to look up to wouldn’t be home again.

Bang! Bang!

Just as she wipes the tears from her cheeks, a tired, whiny toddler came crashing through the door; distraught that Mommy had snuck away.

“Wonder Woman! What’s wrong?”, he said with a tone that could melt any heart with an instant!

It was that moment she was reminded she is human. Grief, sadness, and pain was something she would have to master to confidently teach him to live fully. She grabbed both of his chubby, fingered, little hands and said,” Changes can be tough, huh, little man?”

“Yeah, momma. They stink! “

“Just remember, baby, roll with the changes because the tougher they get the closer you are to the happiness you deserve.” She said holding her tears with a lump in her throat.

“Momma, even Wonder Woman needs Batman!”, the three year old said with such an innocence sincerity.

It was from that moment on that they realized they had everything they needed to make it through life. Love is kind and knows no boundaries. The love shared between a parent and child is unconditional.

Mr. Unannounced

Well, hello, Mr. Unexpected… Who are you and who sent you to open this door that I have yet to acknowledge? It is the unforeseen circumstances that our energy has danced in unison. The perfect brokenness inside of one another fitting together like puzzles pieces. It is the nervous feeling within that suggests we may cause more destruction than either of us deserve. Maybe if we just stand right here for a while it could be different. There is no need for the practice of love, for now. Your thoughtfulness is sticky and my freedom is determined. You should get to know the side of me that rebels before you go all in.

Is it Fate?

It brings a smile to my face to introduce you to this character. He is creative, charming, naturally handsome, determined, and passionate.  Not to sound cliché, but I can still remember the first moment our eyes met! It’s a rare moment in time. My guess is that time stood still because I can distinctly, to this day, smell the room, hear the song playing on the stereo, and experience the comfort of completeness I felt inside when his eyes met mine. It is unrivaled. Sounds like forever kind of story, huh? Well… would you believe me if I told you that we, “dated”, on and off for 10 years, sometimes it was me that drifted, others it was him. There was never a sad, hurtful, boring moment between us. It was fun, sexy, and enticing. However, life had a hold of us and would alert us when it was time to go out there in the real world and gain some more experience. Then suddenly, we would unexpectedly be in the same place at the same time. Even if it was at the entrance of a Kroger supermarket, we had this divine, universal connection. It was not until we were in our late twenties that we had a serious relationship. He was the prince charming to my fairytale and the best part was I was never disappointed or let down. We had what other’s yearn for; we EQUALLY made one another a better person. It was a slice of paradise.

All good things come to an end. What? Did you think it would be that easy? One moment turned it all around. It felt itchy and uncomfortable. We didn’t feel special anymore. Our worlds fell apart and the therapists lined their pockets. I was shattered, contemplating on how we could easily transition our children into living in separate homes. Days of denial passed before the universe grabbed us tight and placed us in the same place at the same time.

Who would have known a You Tube video about Aliens and the world’s creation would send us on a journey that can only be experienced and never explained. Disclaimer: This is not fiction and I not writing about bright, green life forms with big, black eyes. I am speaking of a journey about religion, God, mind, body & soul; astronomy, nature, and awareness. If you gather anything from reading this, get curious and do your own research. In other words that maybe easily understood, this journey was created by divine intervention. I would love to share the tale of discovery with you now, but you will have to read the book. 🙂 Here’s a little sneak peek:

Can you say that the universe (i.e. everything) confirms that your relationship is a divine union? The world shared secrets with us that no one could begin to think up! Listen to me! You will find love and partnership once you can be yourself, naked for the world to see… We are human and we lose faith from time to time, but our future is beyond our control. Luckily, we are blessed to be wrapped in the warmth of God’s love to catch us when we fall.