Love me one day, just don’t make it today…

As a present day drifter:  I am somewhat shattered and have taped myself back together by  risky decisions and  aspirations. The trickery of habitual roads has led me astray. My self discovery expedition has become pandemonium. My soul is full and drifting about in the energy of others, as a ship wreck full of diamonds, would slowly scatter about with every crash of ocean’s waves.

-KBJ

I was Raised by a Sociopath.

I say this uncomfortably while clamoring in the realization of events that just took place. My life is changing dramatically. Numerology has kept me aware and gave me something exciting to concentrate on. It’s a little slice of fun, as is astrology, and I truly enjoy the energy of these spiritualities. However, it’s new. A 180 degrees from the quite depressing life I was living before my family suddenly ripped to shreds; I assumed it was only appropriate to see a therapist. Ya know, to just make sure I’m still in here somewhere. The outcome was more than I had expected…

Disclaimer: I have never, EVER, met this woman before today. She was an older woman with gray, short hair, wearing men’s Dockers with a pair of glasses that reeked of,”I have a PHD”. I second guessed myself at giving her a hand shake. Why? I tend to freeze up in nervous situations. I sat down and made myself comfortable. She told me her name, I shared mine.

“Are you a gypsy?”, she asked.

“What?!?!”, I blurted out.

She immediately began to explain herself. She thought I looked like a gypsy. When I told her I had Portuguese Heritage she began to tell me the history of how the Portuguese migrated and she just knew that my Father’s Paternal Mother was a gypsy. Mind you, this is my first Therapist appt. I was blown away! I had a Medical professional sitting in front of me confirming my intuition.

I briefly answered her “textbook”, questions as she would type on the computer. I’m not sure if she was analyzing or captivated by me. I explained my relationship with my father and the failure of the family I so recently came home too. She asked me if I had watched any part of the Casey Anthony trail. All I could think to myself was that poor child. My eyes filled with tears in her explanation of what kind of woman she was and how she had no remorse.

As a tear rolled down my cheek, she asked,”Do you know what a Sociopath is?”

I immediately said,”I picture something from CSI or Murder she Wrote!” I am squirming inside wanting her to hurry to explain what she is getting at. All I could think is I’m a Sociopath. Sweet, Jesus, help me. In the two seconds it took me to convince myself I was a Sociopath, my anxiety was interrupted by the sound of her voice.

“Your Father… Your EX… Your child’s Father… They all have something in common… You were raised by a Sociopath. Now, you date them. I believe you are determined to rid the world of them”, she said with such a caring voice.

It was as if she knew how fragile I felt when I heard it. She asked me why I chose to make an appointment with her.

” I want to break cycle of unhealthy relationships that I keep I living each day”, I replied so confidently.

“We will!”, she replied eagerly.

She recommended two books: The Glass Castle and The Sociopath Next Door.