Subconsciously

I am either over flowing with emotions that defeat logic or my thoughts are eagerly bouncing about like a game of ping pong in hope that my indecisiveness may become dormant.

-KBJ

The Missing Key

I just have these days: gloomy, doubt-filled, in-complacent, dark, and dirty days that just creep up without warning. It is in these moments I can’t find what it is I need to change. What is the actual problem here? Is this just some universal shift or do I need a complete life make over? The stress, disappointment, and lack of interest is unreal, but I can never pin point the problem. I can intellectually spill my guts, but emotionally I am numb. I was doing so well finding happiness in new beginnings, doing things for myself. I had 3 month long sabbatical of excitement and joy! All to end up right back here, walking around like Eyyore from Winnie the Pooh.

Life throws me lemons, and I tend to make Lemon Rita’s out of them. I turn the negative energy into positive energy that goes back out into the world, all  sassy and ready to make people smile. I do well for quite sometime. I bury myself in daily life responsibilities and relaxing adventures. Most of the time I move on to a different stage of life. I’m then ready to to take on the world, yet again…

There is something different about this time. The negative energy keeps waging war inside. I feel tired, but restless. I think about changing careers or selling my home. I seclude myself and sleep. It’s like I am on auto-pilot floating through life simply waiting for some path choosing moment. I want to feel alive. I want to smile. I want to be able to meditate and wash this negative energy away!

This isn’t it for me. I have always overcome all obstacles. I have turned pain and sorrow into motivation and strength. If only I can find the auto-pilot button and turn it off. Surely, I can’t be stuck in this mode. May the good vibes, come and sweep me away.

(/)Drugs(/)

Oh, how I hate what you have taken,

Leaving behind the  lifeless.

Strength is forsaken,

For the pain caused seems to be silenced.

 

I want you to stop, now!

You have taken the one’s with bright smiles.

My family and friends are mine, for you I will not endow.

Faith and strength is needed for these trials.

 

It is my mission to do as you have done to the innocent,

For it is you I will ruin!

You have no power, it is in your execution I will be vigilant.

Love will win because it is something you do not pursue in.

-KBJ

 

Fight for your Peace, not your Freedom

Freedom, as defined by Merriam Webster, is the right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. On a holiday such as, the Fourth of July, we must remind ourselves that it isn’t just about a grilled burger and beer. It is necessary to pay tribute to those  in the military, selfless enough to fight in the battlefields to protect our Nation’s freedom.  In my celebrating of those that have served to protect, I began to think about freedom within our nation.

We have freedom as a Nation. However, do we have freedom within our Nation? Societal rules, regulations, and laws impede on our personal freedom. However, in most cases this is to protect our nation as a whole from crime, sin, or destruction. In other countries, a crime such as, stealing will result in the removal of fingers. In retrospect, our individual freedom is protected even in events of crime more so, than in other Nations. That in itself is something to celebrate! Happy Fourth of July, ya’ll! However, our Nation nor any other nation is truly free, according to the definition of freedom. So are we fighting for something that is impossible to achieve?

To truly honor the meaning of freedom we would have to remove all military, police, government, and the justice system. This would cause chaos throughout the nation, but each individual would be truly free of any rules, regulations, or boundaries. This would allow unjust acts to go without justice. Could you imagine a life with no repercussions for the way you act, speak, or think? It would be lead to pandemonium. So I ask you this… Is it Freedom we should be fighting for or Peace?

Peace is defined by dictionary.com as freedom from disturbance, tranquility, or freedom from war and violence. Our sole purpose is not to have the freedom to act, speak, or think in a negative manner. The souls purpose is to love. Freedom is found in love through peace. It is the removal of disturbance, war, & violence that creates peace. It is not freedom that the soul seeks, but Peace that our spirit yearns for. A government fights for freedom, an individual fights for peace.

My hat is off for all those men and women soldiers of military that have served, fallen, and protected our Nation. You have allowed me the  national freedom to fight for my peace. It is each and every one of you that are the true warriors.

“Freedom lies in being bold” – Robert Frost