As a present day drifter: I am somewhat shattered and have taped myself back together by risky decisions and aspirations. The trickery of habitual roads has led me astray. My self discovery expedition has become pandemonium. My soul is full and drifting about in the energy of others, as a ship wreck full of diamonds, would slowly scatter about with every crash of ocean’s waves.
No longer does it fit perfectly in place. The charismatic passion is gone. It feels itchy now – uncomfortably seeping into every faucet of life. The perfect fit of a glove became the sock falling of my heel in my shoe. Irritating is how I would describe it. It was so exhilarating before. Life was colorful, full of adventures and exploration. Now, I know what a breath of fresh air smells like. The constant occurrence of utter nirvana seized without warning. Discontent reached it’s ugly hand inside me and stirred up my soul up with jagged nails. There is no need to explain what happened next. Denial is self-explanatory. Is it possible to overcome loss without explanation? Does the explanation really give any closure? Countless hours and thoughts wasted trying to figure out what happened. Life shifted and I pushed back, but that did not take away the resentment. I thought to myself before writing this, that it was you; not me. I was wrong. It was not you and it was not me either. It was the beautiful illusion of happiness we so gracefully created that had faded. We did it again. Only this time is was different. I am left empty, searching for myself in your life because it suffocates me. It’s a cloudy, dingy world you live in. Don’t ruin my soul before you give it back. It feels nice, doesn’t it? A soul full of love and compassion in a world of chaos would be divinely fulfilling. So, in a sick fucked up way, I get why you would take it without asking. Desperation is a bitch, isn’t it? Let me know when you’re done playing.