We’ve all heard it – “The struggle is real!” I call bullshit (for lack of a better term). We do it to ourselves. We put up with the stress and unhappiness. For what? Do we really believe that we will wake up one day and suddenly be in live with a job we have hated for years? Will our spouse suddenly want to be someone they haven’t been for the last several years? Will our bank accounts suddenly fill with money as we sit on our couch watching tv? NO! NO! NO! We know to be wealthy it takes getting off the couch. We know that our spouse will NOT wake up tomorrow wanting to be someone else. The job? Well, the likely hood of that changing, is NEVER! But we sit and wait thinking about how it could it be different or how what we have will magically become it. If perception is reality then why does the yearning for something other than what we have exist? We would rather try to perceive that our life is this dream we have always wanted and be disappointed that it is not, than to find the reality we seek. Maybe, it’s the separation of you from me, that makes it confusing. One day the job, the spouse, the money it all becomes possible when you perceive yourself having it. So the struggle is not real it’s continual false reality of habitual patterns. Peace, relaxation, love is REAL.
I had always imagined love to be some sort of fairy tale. Ya know, one of those best friend relationship kind of vibes? It was today, I found out the truth:
- Love will leave you naked- with that comes embarrassment, self-pity, & high expectations…
- Your scars are revealed and relived – Those deep dark pits of despair and loneliness… Prepare to reopen and explore.
- Fear will be in overdrive – It will feel like a shelter, a parent disappointed in you, but willing to hug you when tears begin to fall.
I had imagined no disagreements. Only waking up every morning to someone ready to explore their day just as I had planned. Love is more than companionship, it is commitment. I never wanted to commit, I only wanted to be a companion. However, I have found my Soul Mate, and I realize I do NOT want to be with someone like me, I want to be challenged, loved, pushed, & praised. I need adventure and growth. I deserve to be loved and valued. My gracious God, thank you for being stronger than I in times of weakness, you are my faith, you are my rock. And to you, my warrior, you are my home.
I love you,
Your completely crazy, hippie, fierce, lover.
You will find someone who loves even the darkest parts of your soul.
You will receive what you give.
You will not be let down by broken promises.
You will know without a doubt that he loves your child(ren) as you do.
You will stop believing in what people say and only what they do.
You will feel stable and safe, with the ability to trust your partner.
One day, my love you will be loved in return. Don’t give up.
Every little girl has her favorite Disney Princess; Her own imaginable love story. There’s an automatic expectation that girls should be rescued and protected by a knight in shining armor. Or that her love will be so great it will transform a beast into an honest man… Don’t get me wrong the whole’ “love story” thing is blissful, but it’s nothing like what Disney introduced. It may have not been realistic, but tall tales gave love hope.
And all lived happily ever after… We’ve all heard that a few times, it it’s not that simple. It requires work. A specific choice to put energy into something even when you don’t want to. It’s loving every inch of yourself, so that you can unconditionally love another. I am confident in the end that, Yes, you do end up, “happily ever after”, but I believe the magical story is in the journey of growing together.
True love will strip you naked of everything you thought you knew of it. You will feel like a vulnerable fool with no way of escaping a constant look in the mirror. Both of you forces to overcome fears and flaws, but in the arms of peace. Just as children are God’s way of loving us as we grow, true love is just as patient.
“Love is a journey without a map…” -unknown
You came along and taught me that I am capable. I was too stubborn to put enough trust into something new. I should taken time to trust myself…You were familiar and you knew the worst parts of me. The understanding of human flaw we shared was undeniable. We needed each other and a swift kick in the ass. I knew when I met you that you would play a significant role in my life. I thought for many years you were my forever and always and I was right. I will forever be grateful for our time spent together and I will always remember what we discovered about life – Yin & Yang. We were perfectly paired enough to create change within. I was great at teaching someone how to love themselves and you knew how to love everyone but yourself. I was giving; you had nothing to give. I was never honest with myself; you were honest with yourself about what you wanted in life.
I stood in disbelief when you said it was me…
😁Stay trippy, hippies… ✌🏼
“There are many occasions that our soul recognizes what it needs, but our heart & mind misinterpret.”
I can feel myself ripping at the seams,
Begging to walk about noticeably, frayed.
The truth is devastating.
I do not want to see, but I long for illusion.
After all, the destination remains the same, but only one comes with a smile.
It maybe temporary bliss, but I remain faithful to hope.
I could tell by the first few day of this year; I will be challenged. Thankfully, 2018 helped shape me into a warrior. I experienced things that I never imagined to be possible. I was enlightened by my own manifestations. Just as I was in the verge of surrender, I found myself. I am centered, strong, and ready to change my vibes.
2019 = 3 in numerology.
My Life Path number: 3
Buckle up, it’s about to be a wild ride!
It may have taken me a nervous breakdown and an sobering amount of self-pity, but I figured it out without explanation. Instead of destroying it; you wanted to preserve the link. It was impossible for me to heed, coming from a series of conditional relationships. I’m not sure if it was the anxiety or pride that made it difficult to interpret the language you spoke, but it was in my grace that it was not ignored. Although, I think it would have been one of those too good to be true situations: Neither of us were comfortable with unconditional love. I knew how to give, but not receive and you… the opposite. We were counterparts, never noticing that together we we became whole; a metamorphic life lesson neither of us were yet deserving of. It was not in my journey of unity with the universe, but in my exploration of self that I found conviction.
To my sweet, rosy-cheeked, little mischief-maker,
I am writing this as your mother, although, you refer to me as Wonder Woman, I am human. It will be years before you read this and I may change it a million times, but there are a few things in this world I can protect you from. If I had it my way I would stand strong & tall, with a shield just like Wonder Woman and shield you from any hurt you may experience throughout life. However, if I did so, I would be robbing you of living. My job is not done until, I not only teach you to survive, but teach you to live.
My first piece of advice, I am sure you will have no problem understanding. I cannot protect you from emotions. However, I urge you in any negative moment, stand strong! Stay true to your values and morals, even when others can be excused for violating them. Although, I feel like there is never an,” excuse”, for someone violating your standards, wants, or needs; it happens. The only person that can choose who you become, is you. Don’t cave in and sacrifice yourself for another. You’re big loving heart is probably confused after you read that, but I can tell you from experience, if you give, overlook, make exceptions, and put someone’s needs before your own, it will not change anyone but yourself. It is easy to lose yourself in helping others, but what you need to remember is someone who wants to be healed will ask for help.
Secondly, we don’t all think, talk, or receive things the same. We all come from different places, standards, cultures, and environments. You are the ONLY, you, there is out there. Your past, your mistakes, your present, and successes are what make you unique. There is not another human being walking around out there that had the same path you did. We are all flawed beings from the start, but don’t ever forget you have the power to be who or whatever you wish. Find yourself and stand firm, some will love you and some will not, but don’t ever expect something from someone. Expectations are what let us down. Hope with all your heart, but don’t ever expect someone to treat you as you treat them. You can hope those around you will change, but you cannot force it or do it for them. All you can do is lead by example and if stones are thrown your way, Don’t break, kid, not everyone is going to appreciate your journey. Change happens within, it is a very personal thing that occurs from the yearning of the soul. There will be times you are forced to choose yourself and it will feel terrible and wrong in many days, but it is up to you to remain complete because your cannot love anyone else until you love yourself.
We have one life to live and as we have always said:
“What’s in there, love?” (points to her son’s chest)
“And what’s in your heart?”
“That’s right, and whats the only thing that can change the world?”
“Where does change start?”
Love yourself and others. Be thankful and kind, my little soldier. If you learn anything along journey learn to love and be loved.
“It was a smile that hung cock eyed, just enough to melt the hearts of women. Con-artist were envious of it’s glow and felt less of themselves in it’s presence. On rare occasions I would desire to be the recipient of it’s affection, convinced it was perpetual. At the culmination of it’s existence the smile was wiped away by eternal vanity. Today, it is merely that of a rancid smirk, deep-seated in evanescent velvet.”
I imagine it to be an all over consciousness of unyielding love. Something that is comparable to lying in the clouds surrounded by ripples of comfort; drifting about in utter Peace. It is a jubilation that has no metric of time to prepare or reminisce. It is surely a place of belonging, security, certainty… complete acceptance and devotion.
“A part of you respected me, while the other questioned whether I love you. Trust in your heart for it will remain obliged”
“God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”
John 4:24 ESV
God is spirit, but who is spirit? Or what is spirit?
As defined by, Oxford Dictionary:
[ Spirit: Noun; the nonphysical part of a person that is the seat of emotions and character; the soul. Synonyms: Psyche, (Inner) self, Inner being, Mind, ego; “We seek a harmony between body and spirit”]
Thus making, [God] a state of mind, an inner being. Therefore, we are to devote within ourselves and reality.
God is unity of the mind and reality – consciousness. Oxford Dictionary supports this idea with defining consciousness as, “the fact of awareness by the mind of itself and the world”.
God is being aware. God is life, living, further more creation! The soul yearns to be loved and who embraced the energy leads to creation.
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
Genesis 1:1 ESV
If you’re still following me, this scripture is quite simple to elaborate upon. Try reading the Bible replacing God, with Love, using it as a noun.
Love, created the heavens and the earth!
Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:8 ESV
The, “word became flesh”, Jesus was living proof the truth was in perception.
[See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.]
1 John 3:1-24 ESV
He was beyond those he influenced. Jesus shared the pathway to peace with those around him. Thus, enlightening the common people to a personal stairway to heaven. Whether we describe heaven as a dimension, a place in the clouds, or a state of being the end result is all the same. If one can master the art of self-love and find the place between soul and reality, you will reach the highest level of awareness, the supreme realm of peace, a heaven within. You’re reality will no longer effect you. If you are blind, you will now be able to see.
“People are rarely who they claim to be; but perhaps it is who they wish to become?”-KBJ
“If you make him your shelter; you will be left bare. Smile in the rediscovery for it will be your journey. ”
I am either over flowing with emotions that defeat logic or my thoughts are eagerly bouncing about like a game of ping pong in hope that my indecisiveness may become dormant.
Solitude waits patiently lurking between the conscious and subconscious. The unfamiliar territory is home to a duplicate of me. She is wild, fearless, and leads with her heart. We share the same mirror, but our reflections are differing. I can no longer ignore the roar and she is on the prowl. It is from her perspective that I will thrive.
I just have these days: gloomy, doubt-filled, in-complacent, dark, and dirty days that just creep up without warning. It is in these moments I can’t find what it is I need to change. What is the actual problem here? Is this just some universal shift or do I need a complete life make over? The stress, disappointment, and lack of interest is unreal, but I can never pin point the problem. I can intellectually spill my guts, but emotionally I am numb. I was doing so well finding happiness in new beginnings, doing things for myself. I had 3 month long sabbatical of excitement and joy! All to end up right back here, walking around like Eyyore from Winnie the Pooh.
Life throws me lemons, and I tend to make Lemon Rita’s out of them. I turn the negative energy into positive energy that goes back out into the world, all sassy and ready to make people smile. I do well for quite sometime. I bury myself in daily life responsibilities and relaxing adventures. Most of the time I move on to a different stage of life. I’m then ready to to take on the world, yet again…
There is something different about this time. The negative energy keeps waging war inside. I feel tired, but restless. I think about changing careers or selling my home. I seclude myself and sleep. It’s like I am on auto-pilot floating through life simply waiting for some path choosing moment. I want to feel alive. I want to smile. I want to be able to meditate and wash this negative energy away!
This isn’t it for me. I have always overcome all obstacles. I have turned pain and sorrow into motivation and strength. If only I can find the auto-pilot button and turn it off. Surely, I can’t be stuck in this mode. May the good vibes, come and sweep me away.
It’s okay to love again. Or is it? There is nothing more terrifying than dating as a single mother. Will they be okay with kids? Will my child like them? When should I introduce them? Will he be a good role model? There are so many questions that come to mind it makes you want to wait until your kiddo(s) are 18 years old! Let’s be honest, how many of us can really do that?
“My entire life can be described in one sentence: it didn’t go as planned, and that is okay.” – Rachel Wolchin
*DISCLAIMER* I am not an expert or is this what I call advice. None the less, I wanted to share my outlook…
It’s okay to love again. It is actually essential that you do! You are teaching your child or children how to heal and let things go. I read something the other day that really hit home for me…”Children don’t listen to what you tell them to do, they listen to what you do”. You are their role model, and yes, maybe one day someone else will share this position with you also. However, for now, while being a single mom, you, ma’am are THE role model. It’s okay for relationships not to work out. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to start over and over and over. These instances are inevitable in life. It is what we do with them that paints the picture of who we are. Ladies, you are the picture your child will stare at for the rest of their lives. Make it count!
Keep it classy, not trashy…
Be honest. Be Strong. Be fierce.
Don’t worry about the questions. Grab your little one tight and share with them what is going on and how you feel. But, you guard their little hearts like a mama bear. You’ll know when the time is right. And remember people come and go just as there is life and death. Show them what to do about it, gracefully, of course…
Every fairy-tale has disaster before the happy ending, but one of the characters remains the same. This is you,rock star! You are resilient and you have the power to change the world around you, all by your perception. That, my friends, is the greatest lesson you can teach children. Don’t let the bad vibes keep you down.
“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” – Oprah Winfrey
Someone very dear to me once asked me, “Why don’t you invest in yourself?”. The question left me speechless for a moment. The silence was quickly covered by a million different excuses and reasons as to why I was to busy to do what I really enjoyed. That then led me to another question… What do I enjoy?
I had been told by several teachers and colleagues that I should invest in my writing skills. I always shrugged it off thinking, I hate to write! The truth was I was just not comfortable with who I was and I didn’t like to be restricted. . In other words, I needed wide open space to find myself.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage” – Lao Tzu
It is by love that I was shown how to love myself. As you cannot love another until you can love yourself. I started blogging on whim to try to reconnect with myself. I set small goals and I have met each of them. I found that my thoughts and feelings are shared by many. There have been several of you to offer advice or share your experience. I want to take the time to thank each and every one of you for being such an important piece in my spiritual growth.
It is with your support and interest in my blog that I have kept persevering. I can remember sitting alone in my kitchen with my laptop, unable to see through the despair of my life being in shambles. So, I wrote about it. Suddenly, my blog took off. I had more and more followers join. I broke previous records of the most likes. I finally had comments rolling in left and right. I reached many of my small goals and thanked everyone for their support. Never the less, what I should have said is thank you for being there, alone with me and my laptop. You helped me grow, or maybe stay sane, (ha, ha!) through the darkest of times. On the flip side, we have also laughed in the brightest moments. I hope that what I share can help at least one of your through your darkest time. I am here… you are here… we are here to love.
“The best way to find yourself is in the service of others.” – Mahamta Gandhi
Much love to you all! Stay trippy, hippies! xoxo
I am not sure if you are found;
Or the one that is always around.
The truth will be revealed,
But it is by chance that the former will be sealed.
Surety has wandered.
Fate is not that of this earth;
It is in the love of all things true.
My soul is wide awake for you to view.
Just as the sun and moon share the morning sky,
Our peace can be found in the mind’s eye.
You grab a hold of all my static and place all my particles perfectly where they are preordained.
The way you budge piques my interest.
You stimulate me in way that evokes emotion. I am not biased.
Just when I feel myself begin to lose control, your touch grounds me.
As a fire burns bright of orange and red embers, I remain cautious as not to give in.
But you still find a way to make me melt.
You were comfort in a time of despair. So close to a new beginning you even tasted bittersweet. You filled my heart with surety and intent. I can’t say whether it is due to the preexisting damage or the way I perceive things, but In the absence of trust it was all gone. People do things that break our trust. Whether that’s lying or not following through. I am starting to believe it is not intentional, but for me, I consider others before myself; so I can’t quite accept my own theory. My word is golden and in the event something happens and I am unable to follow through I address it before it occurs. However, loosing my mother at a young age and having a father who never meant what he said left me not trusting the WORLD. Let alone another human being. I want to be different; so if I love someone I give them trust, but the second a situation arises that questions it, I feel completely disrespected. I’ve always viewed it as intentional. That someone thinks to themselves before breaking your trust and knowingly puts their commitment to you aside. As I get older and keep reliving the situation , I have come to realize I should be learning, not surrendering. It’s usually not of an intent to hurt another, but a cowardly move on one’s part to protect themselves. In knowing this I don’t feel as disrespected, so I am not longer angry by a lack of commitment for trust. I understand so thoroughly that it hurts. It’s simply a separation of people. Someone doing what they wanted to do. So if we find it offensive it is because we don’t agree. We are simply a different person with different needs. It is up to us to find at this very moment that trust is challenged whether it’s worth fighting for. I am hoping to rise above. In my recent run-in with trust I handle it different than I have in the past. I addressed it head on, I let it hurt, and a made a decision of whether it was worth it.
I broke the cycle. I found a different perception of trust and handled it before it became destructive. Can I be set free from this cycle? May you bless me with what I deserve. If I am not yet done learning, please take it easy on me. My heart is fragile these days.
A woman just trying to figure it all out.
As a present day drifter: I am somewhat shattered and have taped myself back together by risky decisions and aspirations. The trickery of habitual roads has led me astray. My self discovery expedition has become pandemonium. My soul is full and drifting about in the energy of others, as a ship wreck full of diamonds, would slowly scatter about with every crash of ocean’s waves.
It is true that we live in the same situations until rise above them? It’s an internal hell of insanity. The soul yearns to be loved to a degree the fondness is manifested out feeble intentions. It’s something that happens at full tilt. It’s joyous and overly appropriate. A fondness developed by emotion without definition caresses our heartache and fear. It is something so needed that we question it, but take it to our hearts, as if it completes our being. Just as it is accepted, villainous energy tightly grips the humble future of it all….
I spent all this time thinking I knew how to love. I wasn’t loving; I was learning. The truest of loves comes and reveals to you all the challenges you’ve ever had with anyone else in the past. But this time it will be value and held in high regard. Something that is unspeakable, and only felt. It tingles and tosses you about a bit. The soul becomes bare and wild. Our needs shift from within to an outwardly craze of well-being for the mind, body, and soul of another. It’s fierce and reassuring, but leaves you trembling at the idea of permanent absence. You must water it to make it grow, don’t let the fear of the future affect today.
As a firefly on a hot summer night, I am a light and dance in the darkness. My soul is consumed in joy and sharpness. While my mind is blending in with the background. Whether I am illuminating the brilliance of a long lost traveler or patiently walking behind the unrighteous, yet here I remain.
Spring: a time for renewal. A chance to turn over a new leaf. This freedom is invigorating with a perverted insistence on some sort growth. The expansion alone rips my walls down one by one. It is not in the death of the things I am letting go of that makes life raw,but the rather the creation of who I would like to become. The old is replaced with a vibrant opportunity for the future. It is of sheer terror that I admit my fear of change. I can’t tell if my brokenness draws you in or I gravitate toward you. It’s a matter of blurred boundaries, but your aura is enticing. I too, shall bloom.
Well, hello, Mr. Unexpected… Who are you and who sent you to open this door that I have yet to acknowledge? It is the unforeseen circumstances that our energy has danced in unison. The perfect brokenness inside of one another fitting together like puzzles pieces. It is the nervous feeling within that suggests we may cause more destruction than either of us deserve. Maybe if we just stand right here for a while it could be different. There is no need for the practice of love, for now. Your thoughtfulness is sticky and my freedom is determined. You should get to know the side of me that rebels before you go all in.
All this time I thought it was me; saving you. Although, I can’t quite figure out the place I am in now, I know there’s something to come of this. It feels like a wildfire ready to burn bright. There’s just not too many ashes for it to ignite. I never realizes how safe you made feel. I was so secure with life before. Now, or feels as if it’s moving steadily around me as I am trying to figure where to stand so that it does my head ahold of me. There is such betrayal in expectations. We are better served in adapting to love instead of expecting it. It’s about what we give, not what we receive. Passion leads us to a routine that feels appropriate and we begin living it. – Without any intention of keeping it. If only I had known the future I was able to see with you. I knew it every time it spoke to me. I would have told you sooner if I had believed you weren’t experiencing the same thing. At this point, I don’t whether to run to or from it. So, don’t leave the decision to me. My choices are irrelevant to the future that’s seeking me.
It is of recent I decided to write from the Soul. No impressing, tweaking, or trying to market a specific kind of reader, just plain ol’ me. I am enthused with the amount readers, writers, bloggers, and critics that took time out of their busy lives and utter most passion to let me know that I am heard. Your support is unrivaled and I have found comfort in your encouraging words to dig deeper. You have inspired me to bare my soul, with no shame or hesitation. It may just be a simple click of the like button, but for me, my friends it the beginning of friendship. -Cheers to many more!
I ask you all one question:
Why do you write?
Leave me your story in the comments below. Looking forward to hearing from you all! 🙂
P.S. “Strangers are Friends You have not met yet.” -Roberta Leiberman
“They both want to change the world. One with more force than the other…”
Apollo was considered the God of sun, music, light, & Prophecy…
I will learn how to enjoy you,
I will figure out what your about,
I used to long for the quiet, just a moment to check my mood.
Though, I didn’t want to go this route…
I always knew you could.
So I will learn to find my self in this empty space.
Hey, ya know… It’s all good.
It’s certainly time for me to save some face.
Let the tick of the clock keep me focused,
For I can then find myself in the hollow.
God, we will miss those really good moments,
But catch you on the slip side; or at the temple of Apollo.
Just when I think I knew what love was… I wonder how many times I will say that in life. I gave so much of myself to us. I don’t know who I am. I am fearful and in times of fear I seek comfort. You were my comfort. So, now I seek nothing. That is as I feel inside. Nothingness. Life is routine and survival. I learned to love the chaos, the chatter, and annoyance. You tore my walls down and made me bear the truth about myself. Now I am left here standing naked for the world to judge. There was a time you loved me as much as I loved you – That is not something you can fake. If you mistakenly thought this was something you wanted and then later decided it is not, why can’t you leave with peace. Why must you make me suffer? You changed my world. You made me questions myself at who I was and who I wanted to be. But, you can have the decency to remove you’re the pieces of yourself from the home that remains silence. You show yourself to me looking like your falling a part inside. Stand there with your daughter, who I was just responsible for looking out for, once again asking for my help… But you can’t give me closure. Lucky for you, I don’t wish to change the world anymore. I wish to change myself and if you send your wishes then I know it is as hard for you that it is me.
“Pride is the mask of one’s own faults” -Proverb
God I miss ya’ll…
“Slowly take in what’s around you. Feel the vibration strum the cords of emotion within. Enjoy yourself, soak in the love.”