The struggle isn’t real…

We’ve all heard it – “The struggle is real!” I call bullshit (for lack of a better term). We do it to ourselves. We put up with the stress and unhappiness. For what? Do we really believe that we will wake up one day and suddenly be in live with a job we have hated for years? Will our spouse suddenly want to be someone they haven’t been for the last several years? Will our bank accounts suddenly fill with money as we sit on our couch watching tv? NO! NO! NO! We know to be wealthy it takes getting off the couch. We know that our spouse will NOT wake up tomorrow wanting to be someone else. The job? Well, the likely hood of that changing, is NEVER! But we sit and wait thinking about how it could it be different or how what we have will magically become it. If perception is reality then why does the yearning for something other than what we have exist? We would rather try to perceive that our life is this dream we have always wanted and be disappointed that it is not, than to find the reality we seek. Maybe, it’s the separation of you from me, that makes it confusing. One day the job, the spouse, the money it all becomes possible when you perceive yourself having it. So the struggle is not real it’s continual false reality of habitual patterns. Peace, relaxation, love is REAL.

Soulmate, aka, Warrior

I had always imagined love to be some sort of fairy tale. Ya know, one of those best friend relationship kind of vibes? It was today, I found out the truth:

  1. Love will leave you naked- with that comes embarrassment, self-pity, & high expectations…
  2. Your scars are revealed and relived – Those deep dark pits of despair and loneliness… Prepare to reopen and explore.
  3. Fear will be in overdrive – It will feel like a shelter, a parent disappointed in you, but willing to hug you when tears begin to fall.

I had imagined no disagreements. Only waking up every morning to someone ready to explore their day just as I had planned. Love is more than companionship, it is commitment. I never wanted to commit, I only wanted to be a companion. However, I have found my Soul Mate, and I realize I do NOT want to be with someone like me, I want to be challenged, loved, pushed, & praised. I need adventure and growth. I deserve to be loved and valued. My gracious God, thank you for being stronger than I in times of weakness, you are my faith, you are my rock. And to you, my warrior, you are my home.

I love you,

Your completely crazy, hippie, fierce, lover.

-KBJ

One Day, Love… One Day

One day…

You will find someone who loves even the darkest parts of your soul.

You will receive what you give.

You will not be let down by broken promises.

You will know without a doubt that he loves your child(ren) as you do.

You will stop believing in what people say and only what they do.

You will feel stable and safe, with the ability to trust your partner.

One day, my love you will be loved in return. Don’t give up.

-KBJ

Fake Fairy Tales

Every little girl has her favorite Disney Princess; Her own imaginable love story. There’s an automatic expectation that girls should be rescued and protected by a knight in shining armor. Or that her love will be so great it will transform a beast into an honest man… Don’t get me wrong the whole’ “love story” thing is blissful, but it’s nothing like what Disney introduced. It may have not been realistic, but tall tales gave love hope.

And all lived happily ever after… We’ve all heard that a few times, it it’s not that simple. It requires work. A specific choice to put energy into something even when you don’t want to. It’s loving every inch of yourself, so that you can unconditionally love another. I am confident in the end that, Yes, you do end up, “happily ever after”, but I believe the magical story is in the journey of growing together.

True love will strip you naked of everything you thought you knew of it. You will feel like a vulnerable fool with no way of escaping a constant look in the mirror. Both of you forces to overcome fears and flaws, but in the arms of peace. Just as children are God’s way of loving us as we grow, true love is just as patient.

“Love is a journey without a map…” -unknown

Dear, Discernible Future

You came along and taught me that I am capable. I was too stubborn to put enough trust into something new. I should taken time to trust myself…You were familiar and you knew the worst parts of me. The understanding of human flaw we shared was undeniable. We needed each other and a swift kick in the ass. I knew when I met you that you would play a significant role in my life. I thought for many years you were my forever and always and I was right. I will forever be grateful for our time spent together and I will always remember what we discovered about life – Yin & Yang. We were perfectly paired enough to create change within. I was great at teaching someone how to love themselves and you knew how to love everyone but yourself. I was giving; you had nothing to give. I was never honest with myself; you were honest with yourself about what you wanted in life.

I stood in disbelief when you said it was me…

☯️

-KBJ

😁Stay trippy, hippies… ✌🏼

Un-Tuned —-*

“There are many occasions that our soul recognizes what it needs, but our heart & mind misinterpret.”

-KBJ

-Worn & Wrinkly

I can feel myself ripping at the seams,

Begging to walk about noticeably, frayed.

The truth is devastating.

I do not want to see, but I long for illusion.

After all, the destination remains the same, but only one comes with a smile.

It maybe temporary bliss, but I remain faithful to hope.

-KBJ

Dear, 2019 … Bring it on!

I could tell by the first few day of this year; I will be challenged. Thankfully, 2018 helped shape me into a warrior. I experienced things that I never imagined to be possible. I was enlightened by my own manifestations. Just as I was in the verge of surrender, I found myself. I am centered, strong, and ready to change my vibes.

2019 = 3 in numerology.

My Life Path number: 3

Buckle up, it’s about to be a wild ride!

-KBJ 😎💆🏻‍♀️☯️💫#️⃣🌎♾

I Don’t Blame, ya!

It may have taken me a nervous breakdown and an sobering amount of self-pity, but I figured it out without explanation. Instead of destroying it; you wanted to preserve the link. It was impossible for me to heed, coming from a series of conditional relationships. I’m not sure if it was the anxiety or pride that made it difficult to interpret the language you spoke, but it was in my grace that it was not ignored. Although, I think it would have been one of those too good to be true situations:  Neither of  us were comfortable with unconditional love. I knew how to give, but not receive and you… the opposite. We were counterparts, never noticing that together we we became whole; a metamorphic life lesson neither of us were yet deserving of. It was not in my journey of unity with the universe, but in my exploration of self  that I found conviction.

-KBJ

“(D)on’t (B)reak, (K)id”

To my sweet, rosy-cheeked, little mischief-maker,

I am writing this as your mother, although, you refer to me as Wonder Woman, I am human. It will be years before you read this and I may change it a million times, but there are a few things in this world I can protect you from. If I had it my way I would stand strong & tall, with a shield just like Wonder Woman and shield you from any hurt you may experience throughout life. However, if I did so, I would be robbing you of living. My job is not done until, I not only teach you to survive, but teach you to live.

My first piece of advice, I am sure you will have no problem understanding. I cannot protect you from emotions. However, I urge you in any negative moment, stand strong! Stay true to your values and morals, even when others can be excused for violating them. Although, I feel like there is never an,” excuse”, for someone violating your standards, wants, or needs; it happens. The only person that can choose who you become, is you. Don’t cave in and sacrifice yourself for another. You’re big loving heart is probably confused after you read that, but I can tell you from experience, if you give, overlook, make exceptions, and put someone’s needs before your own, it will not change anyone but yourself.  It is easy to lose yourself in helping others, but what you need to remember is someone who wants to be healed will ask for help.

Secondly, we don’t all think, talk, or receive things the same. We all come from different places, standards, cultures, and environments. You are the ONLY, you, there is out there. Your past, your mistakes, your present, and successes are what make you unique. There is not another human being walking around out there that had the same path you did. We are all flawed beings from the start, but don’t ever forget you have the power to be who or whatever you wish. Find yourself and stand firm, some will love you and some will not, but don’t ever expect something from someone. Expectations are what let us down. Hope with all your heart, but don’t ever expect someone to treat you as you treat them. You can hope those around you will change, but you cannot force it or do it for them. All you can do is lead by example and if stones are thrown your way, Don’t break, kid, not everyone is going to appreciate your journey. Change happens within, it is a very personal thing that occurs from the yearning of the soul. There will be times you are forced to choose yourself and it will feel terrible and wrong in many days, but it is up to you to remain complete because your cannot love anyone else until you love yourself.

We have one life to live and as we have always said:

“What’s in there, love?” (points to her son’s chest)

“My heart!”

“And what’s in your heart?”

“Love, mommy!”

“That’s right, and whats the only thing that can change the world?”

“LOVE!” 🙂

“Where does change start?”

“ME!”:)

Love yourself and others. Be thankful and kind, my little soldier. If you learn anything along journey learn to love and be loved.

-KBJ

The Euphoric Mishap

“It was a smile that hung cock eyed, just enough to melt the hearts of women. Con-artist were envious of it’s glow and  felt less of themselves in it’s presence. On rare occasions I would desire to be the recipient of it’s affection, convinced it was perpetual. At the culmination of it’s existence the smile was wiped away by eternal vanity. Today, it is merely that of a rancid smirk, deep-seated in evanescent velvet.”

-KBJ

Heaven

I imagine it to be an all over consciousness of unyielding love. Something that is comparable to lying in the clouds surrounded by ripples of comfort; drifting about in utter Peace. It is a jubilation that has no metric of time to prepare or reminisce. It is surely a place of belonging, security, certainty… complete acceptance and devotion.

– Looking Back –

“A part of you respected me, while the other questioned whether I love you. Trust in your heart for it will remain obliged”

-KBJ

Do you really know God?

“God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”

John 4:24 ESV

God is spirit, but who is spirit? Or what is spirit?

As defined by, Oxford Dictionary:

[ Spirit: Noun; the nonphysical part of a person that is the seat of emotions and          character; the soul.  Synonyms: Psyche, (Inner) self, Inner being, Mind, ego; “We seek a harmony between body and spirit”]

Thus making, [God] a state of mind, an inner being. Therefore, we are to devote within ourselves and reality.

God is unity of the mind and reality – consciousness. Oxford Dictionary supports this idea with defining consciousness as, “the fact of awareness by the mind of itself and the world”.

God is being aware. God is life, living, further more creation! The soul yearns to be loved and who embraced the energy leads to creation.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

Genesis 1:1 ESV

If you’re still following me, this scripture is quite simple to elaborate upon. Try reading the Bible replacing God, with Love, using it as a noun.

Love, created the heavens and the earth!

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:8 ESV

The, “word became flesh”, Jesus was living proof the truth was in perception.

[See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.]

1 John 3:1-24 ESV 

He was beyond those he influenced. Jesus shared the pathway to peace with those around him. Thus, enlightening the common people to a personal stairway to heaven. Whether we describe heaven as a dimension, a place in the clouds, or a state of being the end result is all the same. If one can master the art of self-love and find the place between soul and reality, you will reach the highest level of awareness, the supreme realm of peace, a heaven within. You’re reality will no longer effect you. If you are blind, you will now be able to see.

-KBJ

Take my Advice

“People are rarely who they claim to be; but perhaps it is who they wish to become?”-KBJ

Wandering Women

“If you make him your shelter; you will be left bare. Smile in the rediscovery for it will be your journey. ”

– KBJ

Subconsciously

I am either over flowing with emotions that defeat logic or my thoughts are eagerly bouncing about like a game of ping pong in hope that my indecisiveness may become dormant.

-KBJ

Authentically, Rule the Occassion.

Solitude waits patiently lurking between the conscious and subconscious. The unfamiliar territory is home to a duplicate of me. She is wild, fearless, and leads with her heart. We share the same mirror, but our reflections are differing. I can no longer ignore the roar and she is on the prowl. It is from her perspective that I will thrive.

-KBJ

Let it be you!

Why does it feel so wrong to chose myself? I’ve been here too many times to count. A whirl wind romance on the fritz staggering between falling apart or becoming toxic. I’m not a victim. I know my faults, flaws, and wrong doings. I know I continue the vicious cycle, I cringe at the first flare up of an argument because I know it is the beginning of a down hill battle of respect among one another. I know this path better than the route home from work. I run with the idea that different actions will create different reactions. I have been loving, selfish, understanding, distant, and as a last resort committed to therapy! None of them of which have changed the outcome.

I’ve lost myself in the conundrum of , “Can people really change?”.  We are human. We make mistakes. We also learn and grow, is there a rule book somewhere that justifies a fair fight? How many times does someone get to overstep boundaries before the refs calls a personal foul? Or maybe I need to look within for the answers. Is it a matter of low self-esteem and poor choices? Did I accept a mission from the universe to help heal those that have almost given up? This is my life, my choices, and what I allow, but I struggle with leaving. I would say it is 90% because I’m worried they will give up on themselves again and 10% of not wanting to be alone. My solution, space. I ask for space to be upset, clear my head, and recharge. All any man ever seems to hear when I say this is, “I hate you and I am giving up”.  So, not what happens in the movies, right? What happened to sending flower just because she makes you smile?

It is a repetitive pattern. So I can only assume this is between me and Karma, but damn it, when will I get it right? I am an acquaintance with all my ex’s. It makes me sick to my stomach to hear, ” I feel like I don’t deserve you”. I have heard it all too many times, but it brings me to my latest epiphany. Where are the “middle men”. at? The one’s that aren’t perfect or rich, but they want to provide for their family and respect women? I feel like it is a choice of conforming to the lifestyle of a man that is rich to feel as though your are with a provider or dismantle your self-respect to be with someone that give the illusion of being in love with who you really are until it comes to fruition. I’m soul that has to roam free, so there will be no conforming for the sake of a false sense of security. I want so badly to draw the line in sand when it comes to falling in love with illusion, but it tricks me better and better each go around.

My thoughts are jaded and my heart is confused. As I look around at couples, I can’t help, but think it’s an unspoken acceptance of settling. He has the money, she has the looks. Ya know, the cliche type of political relationships you see where one benefits from the other, but the benefit is not that of love. I’m not perfect and I am too rough around the edges to date a man with my career focus. Nor am I willing to sacrifice my hopes and dreams to stay at home with the children. I can’t be with someone that doesn’t contribute just because I want someone available in my small amount of free time. I guess it is silly to think there is something in between, huh? I’m a mom that is married to her career…

” Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will wake up and tell you it doesn’t love you anymore.” -Lady Gaga

🌜Love thyself to the Moon and Back🌜

You are that of a divine creation,

Do NOT live within the dictation.

They have created a dependent civilization;

This way of life disturbs the essential vibration.

Emotions are tossed and turned in the gravitation,

For we yearn for the shifts of  lunation.

Throughout the majestic rotation,

Societal life fills the soul with vexation.

Awaken  thyself to our true formation.

It is a journey of love, not that of humation.

Explore yourself through mediation,

It is in the subconscious you may enjoy a bit of liberation.

-KBJ

This or That? – Tag you’re it! :)

Now that my blog has grown a bit, I get to mingle!

Thank you, Superheroes009 (https://superheroes009.wordpress.com) for tagging me in this fun post!

I hope that many people get a chance to check out our fun pages. I’m excited to see how this goes. I think it is a great idea to share some of our quirky sides and interact with one another. Thank you for sharing this awesome opportunity to mingle.

I want to first warn you all that I am high indecisive, so I will apologize for my answers ahead of time. Ha Ha!

Let’s do this, ya’ll! 🙂

Rules

  1. Thank and tag the person that has tagged you
  2. Attach the tag photo
  3. Answers the “This or That” questions
  4. Tag 10 – 20 friends.

Question and Answer

  1. Q: Dog or Cat?
    Dog, man’s best friend, duh! But, I have to settle for a Cat because I am never home. However, can they be potty trained to use the toilet?
  2. Q: Netflix or YouTube?
    Netflix, for sure!
  3. Q: Phone call or text?
    Text messages for this chicka, I  love to write…
  4. Q: Toast or Eggs?
    Eggs, who actually eats toast?
  5. Q: Cardio or Weights?
    Cardio, I heard it burns more calories…
  6. Q: Facebook or Twitter?
    Facebook. I can get more creative.
  7. Q: Ice cream cone or Snow cone?
    OMG! I haven’t had a Snow cone in years. Let’s go get one, Stat!
  8. Q: Mobile Games or Console Games?
    Neither. Not a game fan. :-/
  9. Q: While walking: Music or Podcasts?
    Music, of course. I love me some Journey. ❤
  10. Q: iOS or Android?
    I Phone! IOS, all the way. Just take a bite of the Apple, you know you wanna.
  11. Q: Cake or Pie?
    Pie, under one condition… Must have graham cracker crust. Yum!
  12. Q: Swimming or Sunbathing?
    Both. Can’t have one without the other.
  13. Q: Big Party or small Gathering?
    Small Gathering, less pressure.
  14. Q: New clothes or New Phone?
    New clothes. I’m going shopping. Who’s coming with me?
  15. Q: Rich friend or Loyal friend?
    Loyal friend. “Momma didn’t raise no fool”! I can make my own money, but loyalty is rare these days,
  16. Q: Football or Basketball?
    Who really picks one or the other? That’s why the seasons are at different times, ha ha!
  17. Q: Nice car or Nice Home Interior?
    Nice Home, cars are overrated.
  18. Q: What’s worse: Laundry or Dishes?
    They are both equal in the matter of having to put the clothes or dishes away. Or is there a machine that does that these days?
  19. Q: Jogging or Hiking?
    Heck yeah, I love hiking!
  20. Q: Bath or Shower? Shower
  21. Q: Sneakers or sandals? Sandals, who REALLY needs shoes, at all, though?
  22. Q: Glasses or contacts?
    Contacts, because I buy too many cute pairs of sunglasses.
  23. Q: Hamburger or Taco?
    Is it Taco Tuesday, yet?
  24. Q: Couch or Recliner?
    Recliner, I don’t wanna share. 😛
  25. Q: Online shopping or Shopping in a store?
    Online, saves on gas.
  26. Q: Email or Letter?
    Letter, I love penmanship. ❤
  27. Q: Passenger or Driver?
    Driver, if i know where I am going. Passenger if it’s unfamiliar territory.
  28. Q: Tablet or Computer?
    Computer, something about the click and clack of keys on a key board. 🙂
  29. Q: Intelligent or Funny?
    Funny, I’m a good teacher…
  30. Q: Car or Truck?
    Car, zoom…zoom.
  31. Q: Blue or Red?
    Black…
  32. Q: Money or Free Time?
    Free Time, money can’t buy happiness. Tried it, didn’t work.
  33. Q: Amusement Park or Day at the Beach?
    How about an amusement park on the beach? Now we are talking…
  34. Q: At a movie: Candy or Popcorn?
    Both, let’s not be greedy, now.
  35. Q: Pen or pencil?
    Pen, I hate pencils.
  36. Q: Toilet paper: Over or Under?
    Under, it’s a standard rule! Com’n people. ha ha!
  37. Q: Cups in the cupboard: Right Side Up or Up side down?
    Right side up, they’re already dry…
  38. Q: Pancake or Waffle?
    Chocolate chip waffle toasted with peanut butter. You’re welcome! 🙂
  39. Q: Coke or Pepsi?
    Mountain Dew or Monster, Yuck.
  40. Q: Coffee Cup or Thermos?
    Coffee Cup
  41. Q: Blinds or Curtain?
    Blinds, for sure.
  42. Q: Train or Plane?
    Plane, although I haven’t been on a train.
  43. Q: Phone or Tablet?
    Is this a trick question?
  44. Q: Iced Coffee or Hot Coffee?
    Iced.
  45. Q: Meat or Vegetables?
    I like meals that have both, just saying…
  46. Q: International Vacation or New TV?
    International Vacation, tv is overrated.
  47. Q: Save or Spend?
    Save
  48. Q: Honesty or Other’s Feelings?
    Honesty
  49. Q: Coffee or Tea?
    Tea
  50. Q: TV or Book?
    TV
  51. Q: Movie at Home or Movie at the Theater?
    Theater unless you want me asleep on the couch. ZzZzZ
  52. Q: Ocean or Mountains?
    Ocean, the waves are hypnotic!
  53. Q: Horror Movie or Comedy Movie?
    Comedy, I’m afraidy cat.
  54. Q: City or Countryside?
    Countryside
  55. Q: Winter or Summer? Summer
  56. Q: Mac or PC? PC
  57. Q: Console Gaming or PC Gaming?
    Console
  58. Q: Soup or Sandwich?
    Sandwich, bring me the meat!
  59. Q: Card Game or Board Game?
    Card game, ugh! I miss Spades.
  60. Q: Camping or Binge Watching Shows at Home?
    Camping
  61. Q: Working Alone or Working in a Team?
    Alone
  62. Q: Dine In or Delivery?
    Delivery
  63. Q: Sweater or Hoodie?
    Hoodies, make my life!
  64. Q: Motorcycle or Bicycle?
    Motorcycle
  65. Q: Book or eBook?
    Book, in hand….
  66. Q: When sleeping: Fan or No fan?
    Fan, ceiling only!
  67. Q: TV Shows or Movies?
    TV shows. My adhd won’t let me watch a movie. lol

I tagged the following people to participate in this fun-filled adventure with the rest of us. If you are not one that likes the Blogger Awards or The This or That participation, my apologies. I want you to know that I only nominate you because I find your page intriguing and you have supported me among my journey. So, know that I only nominate you out of support for your amazing talents. If you wish not to participate, I understand, but please be flattered, because your talent should be celebrated! 🙂

ArtsyChic Creations

The Colour of Madness

Silver Screenings

Byungafallgren

Dave Gardner

3sistersabroad

The Controversial Indian

Paul Rados

Scott OConnor

Valentine’s Fall

I’m excited to see all your answers and get to know you better!

Stay trippy, hippies! ❤

Fight for your Peace, not your Freedom

Freedom, as defined by Merriam Webster, is the right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. On a holiday such as, the Fourth of July, we must remind ourselves that it isn’t just about a grilled burger and beer. It is necessary to pay tribute to those  in the military, selfless enough to fight in the battlefields to protect our Nation’s freedom.  In my celebrating of those that have served to protect, I began to think about freedom within our nation.

We have freedom as a Nation. However, do we have freedom within our Nation? Societal rules, regulations, and laws impede on our personal freedom. However, in most cases this is to protect our nation as a whole from crime, sin, or destruction. In other countries, a crime such as, stealing will result in the removal of fingers. In retrospect, our individual freedom is protected even in events of crime more so, than in other Nations. That in itself is something to celebrate! Happy Fourth of July, ya’ll! However, our Nation nor any other nation is truly free, according to the definition of freedom. So are we fighting for something that is impossible to achieve?

To truly honor the meaning of freedom we would have to remove all military, police, government, and the justice system. This would cause chaos throughout the nation, but each individual would be truly free of any rules, regulations, or boundaries. This would allow unjust acts to go without justice. Could you imagine a life with no repercussions for the way you act, speak, or think? It would be lead to pandemonium. So I ask you this… Is it Freedom we should be fighting for or Peace?

Peace is defined by dictionary.com as freedom from disturbance, tranquility, or freedom from war and violence. Our sole purpose is not to have the freedom to act, speak, or think in a negative manner. The souls purpose is to love. Freedom is found in love through peace. It is the removal of disturbance, war, & violence that creates peace. It is not freedom that the soul seeks, but Peace that our spirit yearns for. A government fights for freedom, an individual fights for peace.

My hat is off for all those men and women soldiers of military that have served, fallen, and protected our Nation. You have allowed me the  national freedom to fight for my peace. It is each and every one of you that are the true warriors.

“Freedom lies in being bold” – Robert Frost

Dear Twin Flame,

I am not sure if you are found;

Or the one that is always around.

The truth will be revealed,

But it is by chance that the former will be sealed.

Surety has wandered.

Fate is not that of this earth;

It is in the love of all things true.

My soul is wide awake for you to view.

Just as the sun and moon share the morning sky,

Our peace can be found in the mind’s eye.

-KBJ

 

 

 

I Tame your Fire, as I am, the Fuel.

You grab a hold of all my static and place all my particles perfectly where they are preordained.

The way you budge piques my interest.

You stimulate me in way that evokes emotion. I am not biased.

Just when I feel myself begin to lose control, your touch grounds me.

As a fire burns bright of orange and red embers, I remain cautious as not to give in.

But you still find a way to make me melt.

The Commitment of Trust

You were comfort in a time of despair. So close to a new beginning you even tasted bittersweet. You filled my heart with surety and intent. I can’t say whether it is due to the preexisting damage or the way I perceive things, but In the absence of trust it was all gone. People do things that break our trust. Whether that’s lying or not following through. I am starting to believe it is not intentional, but for me, I consider others before myself; so I can’t quite accept my own theory. My word is golden and in the event something happens and I am unable to follow through I address it before it occurs. However, loosing my mother at a young age and having a father who never meant what he said left me not trusting the WORLD. Let alone another human being. I want to be different; so if I love someone I give them trust, but the second a situation arises that questions it, I feel completely disrespected. I’ve always viewed it as intentional. That someone thinks to themselves before breaking your trust and knowingly puts their commitment to you aside. As I get older and keep reliving the situation , I have come to realize I should be learning, not surrendering. It’s usually not of an intent to hurt another, but a cowardly move on one’s part to protect themselves. In knowing this I don’t feel as disrespected, so I am not longer angry by a lack of commitment for trust. I understand so thoroughly that it hurts. It’s simply a separation of people. Someone doing what they wanted to do. So if we find it offensive it is because we don’t agree. We are simply a different person with different needs. It is up to us to find at this very moment that trust is challenged whether it’s worth fighting for. I am hoping to rise above. In my recent run-in with trust I handle it different than I have in the past. I addressed it head on, I let it hurt, and a made a decision of whether it was worth it.

Dear Karma,

I broke the cycle. I found a different perception of trust and handled it before it became destructive. Can I be set free from this cycle? May you bless me with what I deserve. If I am not yet done learning, please take it easy on me. My heart is fragile these days.

Sincerely,

A woman just trying to figure it all out.

Love me one day, just don’t make it today…

As a present day drifter:  I am somewhat shattered and have taped myself back together by  risky decisions and  aspirations. The trickery of habitual roads has led me astray. My self discovery expedition has become pandemonium. My soul is full and drifting about in the energy of others, as a ship wreck full of diamonds, would slowly scatter about with every crash of ocean’s waves.

-KBJ

Lemonade Love

I spent all this time thinking I knew how to love. I wasn’t loving; I was learning. The truest of loves comes and reveals to you all the challenges you’ve ever had with anyone else in the past. But this time it will be value and held in high regard. Something that is unspeakable, and only felt. It tingles and tosses you about a bit. The soul becomes bare and wild. Our needs shift from within to an outwardly craze of well-being for the mind, body, and soul of another. It’s fierce and reassuring, but leaves you trembling at the idea of permanent absence. You must water it to make it grow, don’t let the fear of the future affect today.

Stuck in the Glow

As a firefly on a hot summer night, I am a light and dance in the darkness. My soul is consumed in joy and sharpness. While my mind is blending in with the background. Whether I am illuminating the brilliance of a long lost traveler or patiently walking behind the unrighteous, yet here I remain.

-KBJ

Bearable, Transformation

Spring: a time for renewal. A chance to turn over a new leaf. This freedom is invigorating with a perverted insistence on some sort growth. The expansion alone rips my walls down one by one. It is not in the death of the things I am letting go of that makes life raw,but the rather the creation of who I would like to become. The old is replaced with a vibrant opportunity for the future. It is of sheer terror that I admit my fear of change. I can’t tell if my brokenness draws you in or I gravitate toward you. It’s a matter of blurred boundaries, but your aura is enticing. I too, shall bloom.

And I Thought it was me, saving you…

All this time I thought it was me; saving you. Although, I can’t quite figure out the place I am in now, I know there’s something to come of this. It feels like a wildfire ready to burn bright. There’s just not too many ashes for it to ignite. I never realizes how safe you made feel. I was so secure with life before. Now, or feels as if it’s moving steadily around me as I am trying to figure where to stand so that it does my head ahold of me. There is such betrayal in expectations. We are better served in adapting to love instead of expecting it. It’s about what we give, not what we receive. Passion leads us to a routine that feels appropriate and we begin living it. – Without any intention of keeping it. If only I had known the future I was able to see with you. I knew it every time it spoke to me. I would have told you sooner if I had believed you weren’t experiencing the same thing. At this point, I don’t whether to run to or from it. So, don’t leave the decision to me. My choices are irrelevant to the future that’s seeking me.

“It’s a Thrill to be a Fan Amongst Fans”-Nathan Fillion

It is of recent I decided to write from the Soul. No impressing, tweaking, or trying to market a specific kind of reader, just plain ol’ me. I am enthused with the amount readers, writers, bloggers, and critics that took time out of their busy lives and utter most passion to let me know that I am heard. Your support is unrivaled and I have found comfort in your encouraging words to dig deeper. You have inspired me to bare my soul, with no shame or hesitation. It may just be a simple click of the like button, but for me, my friends it the beginning of friendship. -Cheers to many more!

I ask you all one question:

Why do you write?

Leave me your story in the comments below. Looking forward to hearing from you all! 🙂

P.S. “Strangers are Friends You have not met yet.” -Roberta Leiberman

This is why, writer’s & musicians can’t be together…

“They both want to change the world. One with more force than the other…”

-KBJ

Dear Silence,

 

Apollo was considered the God of sun, music, light, & Prophecy…

I will learn how to enjoy you,

I will figure out what your about,

I used to long for the quiet, just a moment to check my mood.

Though, I didn’t want to go this route…

 

I always knew you could.

So I will learn to find my self in this empty space.

Hey, ya know… It’s all good.

It’s certainly time for me to save some face.

 

Let the tick of the clock keep me focused,

For I can then find myself in the hollow.

God, we will miss those really good moments,

But catch you on the slip side; or at the temple of Apollo.

Photo Credit:https://www.wikiart.org/en/giovanni-battista-tiepolo/apollo-and-diana-1757

 

-KBJ

Tomorrow I will be Better.

Just when I think I knew what love was… I wonder how many times I will say that in life. I gave so much of myself to us. I don’t know who I am. I am fearful and in times of fear I seek comfort. You were my comfort. So, now I seek nothing. That is as I feel inside. Nothingness. Life is routine and survival. I learned to love the chaos, the chatter, and annoyance. You tore my walls down and made me bear the truth about myself. Now I am left here standing naked for the world to judge. There was a time you loved me as much as I loved you – That is not something you can fake. If you mistakenly thought this was something you wanted and then later decided it is not, why can’t you leave with peace. Why must you make me suffer? You changed my world. You made me questions myself at who I was and who I wanted to be. But, you can have the decency to remove you’re the pieces of yourself from the home that remains silence. You show yourself to me looking like your falling a part inside. Stand there with your daughter, who I was just responsible for looking out for, once again asking for my help… But you can’t give me closure. Lucky for you, I don’t wish to change the world anymore. I wish to change myself and if you send your wishes then I know it is as hard for you that it is me.

“Pride is the mask of one’s own faults” -Proverb

God I miss ya’ll…

Emerald Buddha

The wavy, brown-eyed little girl knew at the age of two that Mommy was not coming back. Tears rolled down her face, as she looked out of the window at the fire fighters lined up next to one another; using all their might to push the crumpled car over. Every Security vanished as I peered at my father kneeling on the ground hopeless and scared. The sound of glass scraping against the metal surface is still just as gut-wrenching as it was that day. She lay there so peacefully, but in that moment, I grew numb. All that I had learned enjoyed, and desired to be was gone, and so was my Mother, Joy.

I hated when someone said, “Aww, you poor thing. Remember, she is up there looking down you, smiling, so proud of the beautiful, person you have are. Good Lord, help me find it to force a smile and say, “it does not bother me”. Who were they to assume where she was or how she felt? You do not know her or me, but thank you, I would ramble to myself. In times of sorrow, I bathed in the self-pity, cried out to God to show me a sign she was here with me. So, as every ballsy, teen decides to do, I made it meaningful. This empty, black void was filled with a tattoo of the Celtic Trinity knot above my Mother’s name below, Joy Elaine, written in my grandmother’s handwriting. After all, we were all three connected, right? I still yearned to close my eyes and see her there, hear her talk, or any a mental memory of her existence.

The symbolism of the trinity is necessary in the journey it took to find my Mother. To some it represents the bond between grandmother, mother, and child; others believe it represents God, son, and Holy Spirit. When you see a cross, what is the first idea that comes to mind?, Jesus, or maybe crucifixion? The cross represents the idea that God’s son died for our sins. Jesus, a normal man, walked earth sharing the Holy Spirit. God created humanity with the Holy Spirit within. Society has corrupted this spirit with its methods of survival in Western society. It is dormant inside many of us, but when awoken has the power of change is possible. I have found God in Astrology Buddhism, Christianity, Numerology, and Mythology. A controversial statement to some, but I found God in all studied religion because the Holy Spirit is within. A divine connection supports the purpose for humankind.

The 12-hour workdays, coupled with raising a two-year old, created stress I could not manage; I turned to meditation. The rhythmic breathing cleared my conscious of stress. Presented with a chance to travel through a dimensional universe, I was welcomed by a 12 dimensional-four pointed, star. I was safe and secure in my sub-conscious as an image of green crystal-like pebble was presented. The image imprinted a strong feeling of importance, a completion I could not recognize. Bam! Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, and more pitter-patter everyone was home and silence was gone. Days were spent obsessing over what this object represented. Stress had won, I found myself in tears, calling my boss to take a two-day hiatus to clear my mind. After endless searching for rocks, crystals, and gems, I still had not confirmed what this image was. In a moment of hopelessness, I almost threw my spiritual journey away and everyone else with it.

My boyfriend and I stumbled upon having a rare, divine connection through astrology. Google results of any spirituality confirmed the ideal. Daily interactions with others, objects, and raw nature confirmed our purpose. However, the stress of my career would bring me back to a clouded view of what my inner purpose was. A moment of disarray, longed for more confirmation of my spiritual purpose. My boyfriend was essentially addicted to googling and knowledge about spirituality. He shared with me specific dates that this so-called spiritual inter-connection occurred. The family vacation, pictures taken Oct.10, 2016 – exactly one day before my birthday, it was perfectly, depicted in past pictures of a street sign, reading Follow Your Dreams. Rd. Coincidences of emerald appeared like fleas on a dog. Emerald is Mother’s birthstone. This moment was comparable to the unity that takes place when connecting the final and 3rd line of a triangle. I was complete and it felt Holy!

I could bore you with the symbolism of an Emerald, to confirm my awakening, but it is something you must experience. Only you can awaken your soul and heal the damages of society. Peace is the greatest gift of God. It is an apparition seen through meditation, it is the nourishment of natural food to the human body, and it the comfort felt from the touch of a soulmate’s hand. You MUST learn to love yourself. Everyone on Earth has the ability to find inner peace. Let the Supreme Being reign, in our negatively, tainted society so that we can create a little slice of heaven. Open your, “eye”; you will see the word really is inside flesh, longing to awake. Reality is premeditated by society, but your soul is Supreme. WAKE UP!

Photo credit:

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/v0uc545BpOgC7zrT3QE7f-AcV-ZzzW2DrB5J0MSj-5G7ZORPb9098bpg96sXNp21x60uag=s129