The want for “normalcy” pounds from inside my chest. I give you my best. Once again I am offered less. If I give my all, how can you let me down like the rest. I have felt like a Queen with you. I replay all the memories, not just a few. What am I supposedContinue reading “Some Pain you Cannot Numb”
Tag Archives: smile
There’s this side to me that I rarely enjoy to let out. Despair tosses inside my stomach when I try to just be. It buries it’s self in my throat. Static ravages my chest. The build up keeps me distracted from any solution. Where do I find relief? A protest for peace is coming. MayContinue reading “Fingers Linger.”
It Ought to be Different this Time…
This occasion is rare. It is not often that we whole -heartedly, disagree. As we end the night, there isn’t a breath to spare. The odd part is I believe in your ideas of how things should be. I get that the reality of it all is crooked. That doesn’t mean I agree with theContinue reading “It Ought to be Different this Time…”
I’ve spent 27 years trying to gain your approval. I’m more successful than I ever dreamt of! My life’s happiness is imperative on your removal. All I ever wanted was your love… Here we go again… Your silence thickness as my relief exudes. If only mom were here…Amen! Manipulation fuels your attitude. You will neverContinue reading “Daddy Issues”
A Captured Soul
Anxiety makes it awkward, You can relate… It’s you I prefer! May be a mental state? My mind has been weak; My heart was previously manipulated. It’s just peace that I seek. With you, I am rejuvenated. Life seems to be infinitely intertwined. We’ve come full circle. Is there better to find? Mutual feelings areContinue reading “A Captured Soul”
Don’t Give Up
You mean something! You are so much, to so many. Oh, the smiles and fun you bring… Love? You have plenty! Where is your mind? We all love you. There has to be a different comfort to find… You’re giving misery a place to brew! Let us help! Stop running. You are losing yourself… WeContinue reading “Don’t Give Up”
I know how to make a mark, A part of me yearns for the past without mistakes. But I keep the depths of my soul in the dark. The other parts linger between the present and futures sake. May my love remain untamed. You are my my musketeer! It’s all the same… I often wonderContinue reading “Sometime…”
A Parallel Pair
In this wild world; let’s give it a whirl. It’s time to have faith! Come on and follow my pace. Your ways make my soul unfurl. In hindsight, we had a Pearl! It is with you I am safe, And that is a feeling I can’t seem to replace. May our Yin and Yang stillContinue reading “A Parallel Pair”
Today…Tomorrow… & Hopefully the Next…
Always in the background, Familiar presence covers me. The unknown is what we have found. It is love that set us free! In normalcy we would drown, Individualism…we agree. It is in the division that we frown. It is through God’s eyes that we see, May our future be sound. P.S. Be willing to receiveContinue reading “Today…Tomorrow… & Hopefully the Next…”
A part of me is sad, This place seems so empty and bare. My spirit should be glad, I am positive I left us behind, here, somewhere… There are paths that we travel alone. Growth stems from the pain, I couldn’t accept being something you control. Retro…the good time still remains. You helped me spreadContinue reading “Tides-“
The King & Queen – A Pair, but not a match.
We steady open and close doors looking for equality. The cards we are dealt do not align with the expected aftermath. A King & Queen seem to be a pair, but are yet the opposites of one another. They are not a perfect match. The both remain very different in their solitary ways. I ponderContinue reading “The King & Queen – A Pair, but not a match.”
Is this Nature, God, or Man?
What is happening? 🤔 Is Mother Nature striking back? Is Jesus coming? Are we being affected by 5G? Mother Nature: 🌎🌪🔥⛈🌊 Our planet is slowly, fading from the oil spills, concrete jungles, & pollution. The next shopping mart, factory, or chemical spill could be the last straw. However, if you are unable to leave aContinue reading “Is this Nature, God, or Man?”
✌🏼May I Come in Peace?✌🏼
Love sings the song of the heart! Our hugs feel like shelter… This has been hell from the start! It’s been a while since this girl has looked at the cards life has dealt her… The hopefulness lingers. She just want to feel safe! Her strength is victorious, even against what Karma brings her. MayContinue reading “✌🏼May I Come in Peace?✌🏼”
One Hand on Another
You’re tired; I’m worn-out… You’re grumpy; I’m cranky…You’re pushing me away; I’m staying to myself. At least we have something in common…
🎭Just me, I guess…🎭
I am a peacemaker, but my emotions are rather extreme. I think in an artistic way, but express myself in a passive way. In love, I seek excitement. I take on the role of the comedian. Sincerely, Honesty… 💌
People Panic…Do you?
I first would like to apologize if you disagree. Secondly, many are out there making rash decisions. When your out of your routine things can get a little ichy. So I ask you which one are you? And why? – The consumer – The rebel – The conspiracy theorist – The spiritual guide I’ll tellContinue reading “People Panic…Do you?”
The comfort that lingers is thick… I want to run at the first sign of it! Every time I almost break free… I can feel you inside of me. Just pull me closer… On second thought, let me off this roller coster. You are my Polaroid… An instant fix for this void.
It’s a shame; You behave… I should stop going to your place! You always lie.. Go get high. You said you’ve seen me with that guy… oh, oh, oh yeah.. Hang on don’t go – We both know.. We can stoop excessively, low. 0h…oh…oh…oh It’s a shame… I hate these games! Do you even rememberContinue reading “Real Release”
Just another Layer of the Sun…
Dear helping hand, Get it out of me…hurry! Even the lines are all getting blurry. I don’t know why it’s tearing apart my body. I’m confused at this path you pave me You feel like concrete darling, Am I being punished or saved? Yours Truly, Desperate Despair
The Lingering Catalyst
I can feel myself deteriorate; I fell so toxic. We made what we could make… I should have used logic! There’s a tiny lump inside me; I can feel the scabs flake away. The pain I can feel on my knees, Desperately, I pray. Just when you think the chapter gets better, The pages haveContinue reading “The Lingering Catalyst”
The silence is frightening; I am forced to deal. You have a grip on my breathing that seems to be tightening; I HATE to feel. The sadness I cannot bare, For I wrestle with fate. The only reflection is my empty, stare. My stomach turns at the thought of being late. Parts of me beginContinue reading “Deep Down”
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Coming back to life, OUCH!
I know you hate to lose, You’re probably wishing it was you; that I would choose. But I am tired of being your muse. Can’t you find someone else to use? I might cave. But once I get home, I won’t want to stay I feel at peace when I am away It is meContinue reading “Coming back to life, OUCH!”
I Can Feel You
It all began with a lump in the throat forged by abandonment; Quickly, followed by the uncertainty of the future. No choice was given except clinging tightly the the one thing left, even if it was not reciprocated. Whether the situation involved being taken or running away, the only feeling left was hollow resentment. TraumaContinue reading “I Can Feel You”
I choose you too!
You choose me when I’m insecure, Even when my speech is all blurred. Or when my judgement maybe curved. You choose me when I wouldn’t Although, you probably shouldn’t Thank for doing it when I couldn’t You choose me when I over think, Even when depression is on the brink, In all of my plansContinue reading “I choose you too!”
A Stillness Wonder…
You don’t reach out although smothered by hands. Admitting to the fear, Is that of moral stance. It is too toxic for you to remain near. I crumple our compassion and hand it over, Love in your heart has left. You can not win at life by simply using a clover, It hurt me toContinue reading “A Stillness Wonder…”
So is this whole being in the same place that you have before where you make different results? I don’t know if this is my meaning here or maybe my exit. I’m either here to always chose love and light no matter the situation or I’m a dumbass that’s simply insane. I am open forContinue reading “Conundrum #77,777”
I find myself in the same repetitive cycle. Once again, the feeling of familiarity arises during the battle of hearts. I’m choosing a different path than the many I have previously walked. I can feel wishful thinking wiggling it’s eager way to the forefront of the future. However, to walk this particular path, I mustContinue reading “Particular Ponderings”
Am I Found?
Just like that… I’m back, I’m in the purple of the flame; The all that’s not to blame. You might have felt as though, you gave me the fame… The safe part is behind that plaster you value; you still look lame. Ha, Ha! If only you could feel it, The righteousness of my kiss.Continue reading “Am I Found?”
The struggle isn’t real…
We’ve all heard it – “The struggle is real!” I call bullshit (for lack of a better term). We do it to ourselves. We put up with the stress and unhappiness. For what? Do we really believe that we will wake up one day and suddenly be in live with a job we have hatedContinue reading “The struggle isn’t real…”
Soulmate, aka, Warrior
I had always imagined love to be some sort of fairy tale. Ya know, one of those best friend relationship kind of vibes? It was today, I found out the truth: Love will leave you naked- with that comes embarrassment, self-pity, & high expectations… Your scars are revealed and relived – Those deep dark pitsContinue reading “Soulmate, aka, Warrior”
One Day, Love… One Day
One day… You will find someone who loves even the darkest parts of your soul. You will receive what you give. You will not be let down by broken promises. You will know without a doubt that he loves your child(ren) as you do. You will stop believing in what people say and only whatContinue reading “One Day, Love… One Day”
Fake Fairy Tales
Every little girl has her favorite Disney Princess; Her own imaginable love story. There’s an automatic expectation that girls should be rescued and protected by a knight in shining armor. Or that her love will be so great it will transform a beast into an honest man… Don’t get me wrong the whole’ “love story”Continue reading “Fake Fairy Tales”
Dear, Discernible Future
You came along and taught me that I am capable. I was too stubborn to put enough trust into something new. I should taken time to trust myself…You were familiar and you knew the worst parts of me. The understanding of human flaw we shared was undeniable. We needed each other and a swift kickContinue reading “Dear, Discernible Future”
“There are many occasions that our soul recognizes what it needs, but our heart & mind misinterpret.” -KBJ
-Worn & Wrinkly
I can feel myself ripping at the seams, Begging to walk about noticeably, frayed. The truth is devastating. I do not want to see, but I long for illusion. After all, the destination remains the same, but only one comes with a smile. It maybe temporary bliss, but I remain faithful to hope. -KBJ
Dear, 2019 … Bring it on!
I could tell by the first few day of this year; I will be challenged. Thankfully, 2018 helped shape me into a warrior. I experienced things that I never imagined to be possible. I was enlightened by my own manifestations. Just as I was in the verge of surrender, I found myself. I am centered,Continue reading “Dear, 2019 … Bring it on!”
I Don’t Blame, ya!
It may have taken me a nervous breakdown and an sobering amount of self-pity, but I figured it out without explanation. Instead of destroying it; you wanted to preserve the link. It was impossible for me to heed, coming from a series of conditional relationships. I’m not sure if it was the anxiety or prideContinue reading “I Don’t Blame, ya!”
“(D)on’t (B)reak, (K)id”
To my sweet, rosy-cheeked, little mischief-maker, I am writing this as your mother, although, you refer to me as Wonder Woman, I am human. It will be years before you read this and I may change it a million times, but there are a few things in this world I can protect you from. IfContinue reading ““(D)on’t (B)reak, (K)id””
The Euphoric Mishap
“It was a smile that hung cock eyed, just enough to melt the hearts of women. Con-artist were envious of it’s glow and felt less of themselves in it’s presence. On rare occasions I would desire to be the recipient of it’s affection, convinced it was perpetual. At the culmination of it’s existence the smileContinue reading “The Euphoric Mishap”
I imagine it to be an all over consciousness of unyielding love. Something that is comparable to lying in the clouds surrounded by ripples of comfort; drifting about in utter Peace. It is a jubilation that has no metric of time to prepare or reminisce. It is surely a place of belonging, security, certainty… completeContinue reading “Heaven”
– Looking Back –
“A part of you respected me, while the other questioned whether I love you. Trust in your heart for it will remain obliged” -KBJ
Do you really know God?
“God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” John 4:24 ESV God is spirit, but who is spirit? Or what is spirit? As defined by, Oxford Dictionary: [ Spirit: Noun; the nonphysical part of a person that is the seat of emotions and character; theContinue reading “Do you really know God?”
Take my Advice
“People are rarely who they claim to be; but perhaps it is who they wish to become?”-KBJ
“If you make him your shelter; you will be left bare. Smile in the rediscovery for it will be your journey. ” – KBJ
Authentically, Rule the Occassion.
Solitude waits patiently lurking between the conscious and subconscious. The unfamiliar territory is home to a duplicate of me. She is wild, fearless, and leads with her heart. We share the same mirror, but our reflections are differing. I can no longer ignore the roar and she is on the prowl. It is from herContinue reading “Authentically, Rule the Occassion.”
Someone very dear to me once asked me, “Why don’t you invest in yourself?”. The question left me speechless for a moment. The silence was quickly covered by a million different excuses and reasons as to why I was to busy to do what I really enjoyed. That then led me to another question… WhatContinue reading “#GoalDigger”
I Tame your Fire, as I am, the Fuel.
You grab a hold of all my static and place all my particles perfectly where they are preordained. The way you budge piques my interest. You stimulate me in way that evokes emotion. I am not biased. Just when I feel myself begin to lose control, your touch grounds me. As a fire burns brightContinue reading “I Tame your Fire, as I am, the Fuel.”
The Commitment of Trust
You were comfort in a time of despair. So close to a new beginning you even tasted bittersweet. You filled my heart with surety and intent. I can’t say whether it is due to the preexisting damage or the way I perceive things, but In the absence of trust it was all gone. People doContinue reading “The Commitment of Trust”
Love me one day, just don’t make it today…
As a present day drifter: I am somewhat shattered and have taped myself back together by risky decisions and aspirations. The trickery of habitual roads has led me astray. My self discovery expedition has become pandemonium. My soul is full and drifting about in the energy of others, as a ship wreck full of diamonds,Continue reading “Love me one day, just don’t make it today…”
I spent all this time thinking I knew how to love. I wasn’t loving; I was learning. The truest of loves comes and reveals to you all the challenges you’ve ever had with anyone else in the past. But this time it will be value and held in high regard. Something that is unspeakable, andContinue reading “Lemonade Love”
-Momma Lost her Mask-
She tip toed to the bathroom to quietly, shut the door in hopes of the toddler not being disturbed; just long enough to ball her eyes out over the loss the family they had come to know. She had convinced herself she was a failure. She looped the same thoughts again and again in herContinue reading “-Momma Lost her Mask-“
Spring: a time for renewal. A chance to turn over a new leaf. This freedom is invigorating with a perverted insistence on some sort growth. The expansion alone rips my walls down one by one. It is not in the death of the things I am letting go of that makes life raw,but the ratherContinue reading “Bearable, Transformation”
And I Thought it was me, saving you…
All this time I thought it was me; saving you. Although, I can’t quite figure out the place I am in now, I know there’s something to come of this. It feels like a wildfire ready to burn bright. There’s just not too many ashes for it to ignite. I never realizes how safe youContinue reading “And I Thought it was me, saving you…”
This is why, writer’s & musicians can’t be together…
“They both want to change the world. One with more force than the other…” -KBJ
You’re not Welcome Here, Anymore…
I would find relief untangled from you. This is my day! I no longer want to know how you feel. Can I have what you stole, back? Life has conveniently dropped all your tools in my lap. Unwillingly, I am supplied with the chords of success in your dream. I want so badly to masterContinue reading “You’re not Welcome Here, Anymore…”
Tomorrow I will be Better.
Just when I think I knew what love was… I wonder how many times I will say that in life. I gave so much of myself to us. I don’t know who I am. I am fearful and in times of fear I seek comfort. You were my comfort. So, now I seek nothing. ThatContinue reading “Tomorrow I will be Better.”
A Love Story
She patiently slipped away to herself. The silence of the early morning brought such tranquility. As the oldies played in the background…She was making a decision between the rest of her life or their life. Headstrong on the thought that you had to be selfish to be happy. She grew bitter. As days past theContinue reading “A Love Story”
Dear, Beautiful Woman…
When the hurt never ceases, Do not live in shame. You are HIS masterpiece, So rejoice in loves’ flame. If you get the feeling of guilt, Do not follow the Trail of Tears. Pain can be comfortably rebuilt, Instant aid only enables our fears. Let your soul be the gladiator! The internal battle you willContinue reading “Dear, Beautiful Woman…”
A Special Thank You!
Each and everyone of you took time out of your day to read my thoughts and for that I am truly grateful! You’re comments and support has been encouraging. They would be but simple words without you all to read them. “Words are a lens to focus one’s mind” -Ayn Rand
If we lost it all tomorrow, Would you share in the sorrow? If a helping hand became needy, Would you give to it freely? If it stopped serving it’s purpose, Would you find it worthless? If it became routine , Would you know the unseen? If it stressed you out, Would you start to doubt?Continue reading “Deep Horizons”
Dancing with Fire
I want so badly for you to understand; You are the warrior kind of man. I will always be your fan. Confide in me, I promise that you can. It is imperative I tell you my secret. It’s similar to Cleopatra in Egypt. It becoming more and more frequent. I can help that love isContinue reading “Dancing with Fire”
I have this newfound respect for artists, entrepreneurs, designers, and anyone promoting their passion. It takes ambition, dedication, insanity (at times), but an unthinkable amount of hard work. Hours upon hours of research, practice, and conversation at times feels exciting, other times it can be exhausting. It’s the equivalent of teetering between a multitude ofContinue reading “Famous, yet?”
Jack & Jill
“She’s the kind of girl that makes you take pictures with sunflowers because she wants you to feel that life is beautiful…” & “He lives fast and loves strong…” – KBJ