“(D)on’t (B)reak, (K)id”

To my sweet, rosy-cheeked, little mischief-maker,

I am writing this as your mother, although, you refer to me as Wonder Woman, I am human. It will be years before you read this and I may change it a million times, but there are a few things in this world I can protect you from. If I had it my way I would stand strong & tall, with a shield just like Wonder Woman and shield you from any hurt you may experience throughout life. However, if I did so, I would be robbing you of living. My job is not done until, I not only teach you to survive, but teach you to live.

My first piece of advice, I am sure you will have no problem understanding. I cannot protect you from emotions. However, I urge you in any negative moment, stand strong! Stay true to your values and morals, even when others can be excused for violating them. Although, I feel like there is never an,” excuse”, for someone violating your standards, wants, or needs; it happens. The only person that can choose who you become, is you. Don’t cave in and sacrifice yourself for another. You’re big loving heart is probably confused after you read that, but I can tell you from experience, if you give, overlook, make exceptions, and put someone’s needs before your own, it will not change anyone but yourself.  It is easy to lose yourself in helping others, but what you need to remember is someone who wants to be healed will ask for help.

Secondly, we don’t all think, talk, or receive things the same. We all come from different places, standards, cultures, and environments. You are the ONLY, you, there is out there. Your past, your mistakes, your present, and successes are what make you unique. There is not another human being walking around out there that had the same path you did. We are all flawed beings from the start, but don’t ever forget you have the power to be who or whatever you wish. Find yourself and stand firm, some will love you and some will not, but don’t ever expect something from someone. Expectations are what let us down. Hope with all your heart, but don’t ever expect someone to treat you as you treat them. You can hope those around you will change, but you cannot force it or do it for them. All you can do is lead by example and if stones are thrown your way, Don’t break, kid, not everyone is going to appreciate your journey. Change happens within, it is a very personal thing that occurs from the yearning of the soul. There will be times you are forced to choose yourself and it will feel terrible and wrong in many days, but it is up to you to remain complete because your cannot love anyone else until you love yourself.

We have one life to live and as we have always said:

“What’s in there, love?” (points to her son’s chest)

“My heart!”

“And what’s in your heart?”

“Love, mommy!”

“That’s right, and whats the only thing that can change the world?”

“LOVE!” 🙂

“Where does change start?”

“ME!”:)

Love yourself and others. Be thankful and kind, my little soldier. If you learn anything along journey learn to love and be loved.

-KBJ

Let it be you!

Why does it feel so wrong to chose myself? I’ve been here too many times to count. A whirl wind romance on the fritz staggering between falling apart or becoming toxic. I’m not a victim. I know my faults, flaws, and wrong doings. I know I continue the vicious cycle, I cringe at the first flare up of an argument because I know it is the beginning of a down hill battle of respect among one another. I know this path better than the route home from work. I run with the idea that different actions will create different reactions. I have been loving, selfish, understanding, distant, and as a last resort committed to therapy! None of them of which have changed the outcome.

I’ve lost myself in the conundrum of , “Can people really change?”.  We are human. We make mistakes. We also learn and grow, is there a rule book somewhere that justifies a fair fight? How many times does someone get to overstep boundaries before the refs calls a personal foul? Or maybe I need to look within for the answers. Is it a matter of low self-esteem and poor choices? Did I accept a mission from the universe to help heal those that have almost given up? This is my life, my choices, and what I allow, but I struggle with leaving. I would say it is 90% because I’m worried they will give up on themselves again and 10% of not wanting to be alone. My solution, space. I ask for space to be upset, clear my head, and recharge. All any man ever seems to hear when I say this is, “I hate you and I am giving up”.  So, not what happens in the movies, right? What happened to sending flower just because she makes you smile?

It is a repetitive pattern. So I can only assume this is between me and Karma, but damn it, when will I get it right? I am an acquaintance with all my ex’s. It makes me sick to my stomach to hear, ” I feel like I don’t deserve you”. I have heard it all too many times, but it brings me to my latest epiphany. Where are the “middle men”. at? The one’s that aren’t perfect or rich, but they want to provide for their family and respect women? I feel like it is a choice of conforming to the lifestyle of a man that is rich to feel as though your are with a provider or dismantle your self-respect to be with someone that give the illusion of being in love with who you really are until it comes to fruition. I’m soul that has to roam free, so there will be no conforming for the sake of a false sense of security. I want so badly to draw the line in sand when it comes to falling in love with illusion, but it tricks me better and better each go around.

My thoughts are jaded and my heart is confused. As I look around at couples, I can’t help, but think it’s an unspoken acceptance of settling. He has the money, she has the looks. Ya know, the cliche type of political relationships you see where one benefits from the other, but the benefit is not that of love. I’m not perfect and I am too rough around the edges to date a man with my career focus. Nor am I willing to sacrifice my hopes and dreams to stay at home with the children. I can’t be with someone that doesn’t contribute just because I want someone available in my small amount of free time. I guess it is silly to think there is something in between, huh? I’m a mom that is married to her career…

” Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will wake up and tell you it doesn’t love you anymore.” -Lady Gaga

🌜Love thyself to the Moon and Back🌜

You are that of a divine creation,

Do NOT live within the dictation.

They have created a dependent civilization;

This way of life disturbs the essential vibration.

Emotions are tossed and turned in the gravitation,

For we yearn for the shifts of  lunation.

Throughout the majestic rotation,

Societal life fills the soul with vexation.

Awaken  thyself to our true formation.

It is a journey of love, not that of humation.

Explore yourself through mediation,

It is in the subconscious you may enjoy a bit of liberation.

-KBJ

(/)Drugs(/)

Oh, how I hate what you have taken,

Leaving behind the  lifeless.

Strength is forsaken,

For the pain caused seems to be silenced.

 

I want you to stop, now!

You have taken the one’s with bright smiles.

My family and friends are mine, for you I will not endow.

Faith and strength is needed for these trials.

 

It is my mission to do as you have done to the innocent,

For it is you I will ruin!

You have no power, it is in your execution I will be vigilant.

Love will win because it is something you do not pursue in.

-KBJ

 

Dear Single Mom:

It’s okay to love again. Or is it? There is nothing more terrifying than dating as a single mother. Will they be okay with kids? Will my child like them? When should I introduce them? Will he be a good role model? There are so many questions that come to mind it makes you want to wait until your kiddo(s) are 18 years old! Let’s be honest, how many of us can really do that?

“My entire life can be described in one sentence: it didn’t go as planned, and that is okay.” – Rachel Wolchin

*DISCLAIMER* I am not an expert or is this what I call advice. None the less, I wanted to share my outlook…

It’s okay to love again. It is actually essential that you do! You are teaching your child or children how to heal and let things go. I read something the other day that really hit home for me…”Children don’t listen to what you tell them to do, they listen to what you do”.  You are their role model, and yes, maybe one day someone else will share this position with you also. However, for now, while being a single mom, you, ma’am are THE role model. It’s okay for relationships not to work out. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to start over and over and over.  These instances are inevitable in life. It is what we do with them that paints the picture of who we are. Ladies, you are the picture your child will stare at for the rest of their lives. Make it count!

My advice:

Keep it classy, not trashy…

Be honest. Be Strong. Be fierce.

Don’t worry about the questions. Grab your little one tight and share with them what is going on and how you feel. But, you guard their little hearts like a mama bear. You’ll know when the time is right. And remember people come and go just as there is life and death.  Show them what to do about it, gracefully, of course…

Every fairy-tale has disaster before the happy ending, but one of the characters remains the same. This is you,rock star! You are resilient and you have the power to change the world around you, all by your perception. That, my friends, is the greatest lesson you can teach children. Don’t let the bad vibes keep you down.

“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” – Oprah Winfrey

Stuck in the Glow

As a firefly on a hot summer night, I am a light and dance in the darkness. My soul is consumed in joy and sharpness. While my mind is blending in with the background. Whether I am illuminating the brilliance of a long lost traveler or patiently walking behind the unrighteous, yet here I remain.

-KBJ

Dear Silence,

 

Apollo was considered the God of sun, music, light, & Prophecy…

I will learn how to enjoy you,

I will figure out what your about,

I used to long for the quiet, just a moment to check my mood.

Though, I didn’t want to go this route…

 

I always knew you could.

So I will learn to find my self in this empty space.

Hey, ya know… It’s all good.

It’s certainly time for me to save some face.

 

Let the tick of the clock keep me focused,

For I can then find myself in the hollow.

God, we will miss those really good moments,

But catch you on the slip side; or at the temple of Apollo.

Photo Credit:https://www.wikiart.org/en/giovanni-battista-tiepolo/apollo-and-diana-1757

 

-KBJ

Tomorrow I will be Better.

Just when I think I knew what love was… I wonder how many times I will say that in life. I gave so much of myself to us. I don’t know who I am. I am fearful and in times of fear I seek comfort. You were my comfort. So, now I seek nothing. That is as I feel inside. Nothingness. Life is routine and survival. I learned to love the chaos, the chatter, and annoyance. You tore my walls down and made me bear the truth about myself. Now I am left here standing naked for the world to judge. There was a time you loved me as much as I loved you – That is not something you can fake. If you mistakenly thought this was something you wanted and then later decided it is not, why can’t you leave with peace. Why must you make me suffer? You changed my world. You made me questions myself at who I was and who I wanted to be. But, you can have the decency to remove you’re the pieces of yourself from the home that remains silence. You show yourself to me looking like your falling a part inside. Stand there with your daughter, who I was just responsible for looking out for, once again asking for my help… But you can’t give me closure. Lucky for you, I don’t wish to change the world anymore. I wish to change myself and if you send your wishes then I know it is as hard for you that it is me.

“Pride is the mask of one’s own faults” -Proverb

God I miss ya’ll…

-The Time is…NOW-

Society’s demands mask the true meaning of life. Is it the successful or the homeless that have the right idea? Spirituality is at it’s highest peak in countries that live from the land. How can generations beyond us see this? If we and our children are living in an electronic world, how will we instill the survival needed when our technological world fails?

Marketing, media, as well as, education are all geared toward the technological expectations of society created by man. The same expectations and demands that destroy the very means of survival we were provided with. There are but few, cultures that embrace the love of Earth itself. Who are we to decide the American Dream of success if more important than existence. Essentially, that is what we are doing. There are times in China when people cannot leave their homes because there is so much pollution in the air. The same air that our trees and children breath. Our selfish desires are met daily while corrupting the future of those that will own the world next.

The ominous aspect is that we don’t realize this. We have been born into a world that success is marked by monetary value. However, being unsuccessful is also rewarded. There is no need for hard work for some or there is lack of time for love for others. What happened to the barter system? The idea of a man trading corn for carrots is long gone. In today’s society we have Garage Sale and sell items on apps for little to nothing, so we don’t feel as if we lost out. Greed and over indulgence are supreme. How can this change when the majority of the masses will never know the concept of honest, hard work and loving one another?

It’s time for us to broaden our horizons. Travel, get the hell out of dodge and do it fast! Of course, survival for must of requires making money, so my advice would be to find an employer that allows you to travel and explore the cultures beyond America. Our way of life blinds us to the beauty of many nations. Share your experience with those around you. Grab the hands of your little one’s and explore the nature, farms, and art. Lead by example: Do it yourself, don’t buy it. Make dinner from scratch. Plant a garden. Make your own soaps. Give gifts from the heart by creating them yourselves.  But most of all, make you are kind, loving, and value the earth. We were given all that we need millions of years ago, take care of it and help it flourish, so that we may for us and our children.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

– Mahatma Gandhi