Particular Ponderings

I find myself in the same repetitive cycle. Once again, the feeling of familiarity arises during the battle of hearts. I’m choosing a different path than the many I have previously walked. I can feel wishful thinking wiggling it’s eager way to the forefront of the future. However, to walk this particular path, I must focus on the faintest of steps with no destination in mind. Sort of a let go and let it be motto… I have never understood focusing on the moment until now. It is as if I have broken free. The peace and resonance of self love is solace. I struggle with the yearning to heal those I can see are broken, but now comes the time I must revive my soul. I will always lend the one hand and forever it will be there to help direct humanity to love, but the other hand must console me. I celebrate hope moment by moment and smile knowing it will construct what is meant to be.

✌🏼💛☯️

John 14:16-17

“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.”

Am I Found?

Just like that… I’m back,

I’m in the purple of the flame;

The all that’s not to blame.

You might have felt as though, you gave me the fame…

The safe part is behind that plaster you value; you still look lame.

Ha, Ha! If only you could feel it,

The righteousness of my kiss.

It is having a good heart that is bliss;

I’m sorry it’s public. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I’m sure you’re slightly pissed.

Untuck you’re shirt, you never did that before,

I’m sorry, I bet, slightly, it’s a bore.

I just hope it counts,

Your name sounds good just by the way my lips feel when I say the way it sounds.

The past is a mistake made by both of us, it weighs mounds;

I’m sorry if it is me that you think you found.

Love me one day, just don’t make it today…

As a present day drifter:  I am somewhat shattered and have taped myself back together by  risky decisions and  aspirations. The trickery of habitual roads has led me astray. My self discovery expedition has become pandemonium. My soul is full and drifting about in the energy of others, as a ship wreck full of diamonds, would slowly scatter about with every crash of ocean’s waves.

-KBJ

Dirty-Tragic Relationship

No longer does it fit perfectly in place. The charismatic passion is gone. It feels itchy now – uncomfortably seeping into every faucet of life. The perfect fit of a glove became the sock falling of my heel in my shoe. Irritating is how I would describe it. It was so exhilarating before. Life was colorful, full of adventures and exploration. Now, I know what a breath of fresh air smells like. The constant occurrence of utter nirvana seized without warning. Discontent reached it’s ugly hand inside me and stirred up my soul up with jagged nails. There is no need to explain what happened next. Denial is self-explanatory. Is it possible to overcome loss without explanation? Does the explanation really give any closure? Countless hours and thoughts wasted trying to figure out what happened. Life shifted and I pushed back, but that did not take away the resentment. I thought to myself before writing this, that it was you; not me. I was wrong. It was not you and it was not me either. It was the beautiful illusion of happiness we so gracefully created that had faded. We did it again. Only this time is was different. I am left empty, searching for myself in your life because it suffocates me. It’s a cloudy, dingy world you live in. Don’t ruin my soul before you give it back. It feels nice, doesn’t it? A soul full of love and compassion in a world of chaos would be divinely fulfilling. So, in a sick fucked up way, I get why you would take it without asking. Desperation is a bitch, isn’t it? Let me know when you’re done playing.