The Healer or Warrior?

An explanation becomes the root of all destruction. Where was I when this took a turn? How can something so beneficial become something that creates destruction? All good intentions are never enough. There is tightness, the griping of self-worth at its peak keeping me from moving forward. How do you get through? – To yourself, let alone to him? I want so badly to express how I feel to be understood, so I can get free from the grip of insanity.

It was so fulfilling, as if completing the last piece of a puzzle. A remembrance of whom I used to be, an arousal of self-passion. I smiled about things, I was once blind to. A connection, some sort of completion… A true understanding of another’s soul. As with all in life, there comes a time of choice to continue or end.

I was terrified, afraid; I denied the inevitable until it become apparent. I stared love in the eyes. I worked so hard to become one with myself. I made it! I broke free! I found happiness in who I was. I could help others do the same. Life was fruitful, and adventurous. I influenced the lives around me for the better. All past mistakes, misconceptions, and demons were non-existent.

I endlessly searched to find someone who understood. I had finally found him. It was unreal. I secretly questioned it all, but it just kept fitting. It kept falling perfectly in place as I fell in love. The gushy, heat melting, tears of happiness kind of thing you see in movies. I kept it close, but far enough away it could not keep me close. I had been there a time two.  This was not some high-clouded expectation. I could be me, the me, which loved me. I was in love with me and it was contagious. I loved others with such pure, open, understanding love. I was in control of anything and everything in the world. I had the power to move mountains, to open eyes, the map of self-worth! I made to the top.

I often wondered if my purpose here was to help others. I had a gift; I just must not know how to use it. What gift could cause turmoil, right? The moment I meet someone, I can see through the person they have chosen to show others. There is an unspoken bond. As if, I am trusted with a secret.